God is Great--Day 259

I suppose I shouldn't bring up how I've been feeling lately, but it needs to be addressed somehow, and Kim's not going to call me on it. She's not like that. She said she was sorry for her crankiness late Sunday and I told her "Me too." I told her I meant I was sorry for my crankiness, not hers. We laughed and made a few more humorous comments as we stood in the middle of the room holding each other up.

Monday seemed better. My irritability was not as noticeable. I must say it has a calming effect to open the Bible and read. I also re-started a book Jennifer let me borrow a while back. As I did last time, I read the page she had bookmarked for me then started reading it from the beginning. It's an easy read and attempts to challenge the reader to not be as complacent in their faith. It questions where all the childlike faith has gone. Some of it is in my house. I'm very proud of Gabrielle and Colton and their work in Sunday school, Awana and Son-shine park. They ask good questions and say some very earnest prayers every night.

I didn't get enough sleep last night and woke up irritable again. That irritability has to be reined in when you're watching a two-year old all day. He's going to ask the same questions over and over. And over. No matter how many times I answer, some questions will be repeated. If I read him a book, he's not going to be courteous and wait til the page is done before asking all his questions. When we're done playing cars or blocks or sometimes even sandbox he's dumping everything out when he gets bored. I thank God for these things. It's what makes toddlers great. When I'm irritable, though, I can get irritated by such little things. I do my best to make sure Noah can't tell. I don't have the patience many others have, which is probably why God only gave me one at a time to watch over an extended period of time.

Kim thinks I have cabin fever. I don't leave the house unless I'm looking for a job or making a bank deposit. Having such a tight budget doesn't leave me with many other options. This is fine with me, but I suppose I should spend my time more wisely at home. This cabin fever idea would explain why last Friday was so much fun, but that would also be explained by the company I was amongst that night.

She has given me a few ideas. She also says things like "That would be a blessing." It's great we can remember to be grateful to God for everything. Sometimes we take things for granted, but we always come back to Him. This time last year, that was not the case.

We found out today He has lowered our house payment by $100. He sent us a check for $75 for something we had not dealt with in 5 or 6 years. We were sent another check from our insurance agency. We found out we're not over the miles on our leased vehicles. We may be well under. He's providing and we're surviving. Against my better judgment sometimes I worry we're still too comfortable as in:

"He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable, so which one do you want to be?"

from the song "My Jesus". Things may get worse before they get better, but I can't worry about that. It's not in my hands.

I paused at that last sentence. I feel I must do my part, but that puts things back in my hands. Give me time, Lord. I'll figure it out.

God is faithful.