:)--Day 81

When I first started writing down positive thoughts as the behest of my therapist, I was writing down any small, happy moments I could think of (the sun is shining, etc.). That gets hard to do if you don't have somewhere you can write it down. Every once in a while, something one of the kids said or did comes to mind and makes me smile. I thought it was the funniest thing the other day when Noah grabs the cross around my neck and says "Apane." ???? He says it again. "Apane, Daddy." "Apane." I look at the cross... "Ohhhh, airplane." I correct him and tell him what it is, but he doesnt' care. It's still an airplane.

Colton has the best laugh, almost like it explodes out of him. He makes me laugh, even when I don't want to. I'm half watching the Tiger game and Colton starts rewinding it. "Watch this, Brian! (his friend that's staying over)." As the Tiger batter scoots out of the way, you see the ball hit the umpire. Brian chuckles. "Listen to what he says!" Mario Impemba (Tiger announcer): "Looks like he got hit in that spot that's not to comfortable to get hit in." Colton: "pppPPPPHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Brian starts cracking up too. I shoot Kim a knowing look and even she is smiling. He must have rewound it 5 or 6 times before I finally had to ask him to put it back on live tv.

If he knows something is funny to me, he'll repeat it often. If a conversation turns to the sun or planets, I know I'll be hearing his impression of Will Ferrell's impression of Harry Carey doing a space-themed talk show. Jeff Goldblum plays a scientist, Dr. Ken Wallar, in the skit.

Harry: "What's your favorite planet?"
Dr. Wallar: "Well, Harry, I really don't have a favorite. I find them all very fascinating. I think..."
Harry: "Mine's the sun! Always has been! I like it 'cause it's like the king of planets!"
Dr. Wallar: (Chuckling) "Actually, Harry, the sun is not a planet. It's a star."
Harry: "Planet or star, when that thing burns out we're all gonna be dead."

Somehow, Colton always does the impression spot on, and it makes me laugh everytime.

I haven't written all the times one of the kids draws me something and gives it to me. Gabrielle drew me a big heart, had colored it in, and in the middle it says "I wuv you, Daddy" She is so sweet. Last week, when her friend was over, they had created a little show for us. She was first up and had created a dance to sing on a Hanna Montana song. She's a pretty good dancer. She sang it as well. If she'd make a mistake, she'd start the song over. It took a while for her to finish, but it was very well done.

The picture Colton gave to me was a top down view of Coltonsville. It had five large buildings that comprised most of the picture which were drawn in a 3-d sort of way. I thought it was very imaginative.

One of the things I like most about Kim is her laugh or ability to make me laugh. Fortunately for us, this happens much more than the times we make each other angry. I've brought up many reasons why I turned to God and who helped me on that path, but she was a big part of it. She's a very selfless, sweet and intelligent woman who makes me want to be a better person. If she read this blog, I'd put all her other wonderful qualities I know she has, but, for now, I'll leave it at that. :)

Last week, with a grin on his face, Colton comes to me and makes a statement. "I don't want to get in trouble or anything, but when Mom goes to play bingo, she's always gone for three hours and never comes home with any money. What do you think she does?" I didn't like whatever he was insinuating, but I didn't get upset. I just told him his mother was one of the best people in the world. "She is??", he says, like she's in the Guinness Book of World's Record or something. Yes, I told him, and she'd be the last person that would be out doing something she didn't say she'd be doing. That was a good enough answer for him, and he went back to playing.

I added a couple more songs to the playlist. I'm not a huge fan of Steven Curtis Chapman's "Dive", but it came on the radio while I was thinking whether or not I should volunteer to help in Awana's. I thought "diving in" was a good answer. It's what I've been doing since I found the Lord, but now I could be affecting many more people, so I was a little hesitant. I'll talk about it this Sunday.

I added "In Better Hands" as well. I like it, and it also came on the radio while on my way to work. I was driving in a torrential downpour and Natalie Grant sings "It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down." Very well put. The rest of chorus is a perfect description of how I've felt the past few months as well:

It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine.
There's no doubt.
I'm in better hands now.

I'm in His hands now.
My whole family is in His hands now.
We're all in His hands.

Thank you, Jesus.

Faithfulness and Some Good Times--Days 77 and 78

We enjoyed ourself Saturday at Rick's place. I don't get to see too many of those guys anymore, but it's always good to catch up a bit. We played some volleyball and the kids swam for quite a while. I swam only because Noah really wanted to get in the water. His favorite word right now seems to be "why". "Noah, I can't let you go." "Why?" "You could get hurt." "Why, Daddy? Why?" I feel compelled to answer his questions even though I know he can't really understand most of the time and probably really doesn't care. He just wants to swim around. Gabrielle took advantage of my time in the pool and had me throw her up in the air a few times. The kids always love that and Gabrielle is still small enough where she gets some pretty good air time.

Sundays almost always start good now that we go to church in the morning. Today, the fruit of the spirit he talked about was faithfulness. The sermon didn't seem to have the same brevity that the earlier sermons on goodness, kindness, patience, joyfulness and love had. That may be because I have been attributing the fruits to other mortals. I've tried to be kinder, more patient, more joyful, and more loving to my fellow man (or woman). I've given more hugs, gotten over anger sooner, and been able to be somewhat more patient in more situations. I think when I think of faithfulness, I think of my marriage and faithfulness is not a problem. I will always be faithful to Kim and she will be to me.

I thought about it though, but lack of faithfulness, when it comes to marriage, doesn't necessarily mean adultry. I've screwed up a few times and could have possibly eroded the foundation that true faithfulness should be. More importantly, as Pastor Don explained, it's about faithfulness to God. We know God will be faithful to His word, but it sometimes seems difficult to always to be faithful to Him. Almost every time I feel I am not taking the high road in any situation, I feel like I'm being unfaithful. It's difficult trying to become a better person. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be so many books out there telling us all how to do it.

I had thought about this recently and I figured I was weak in too many areas. We were at our first hotel and I opened up the Bible to a random page. This is what He told me that night:

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous and do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everythin written in it. then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not get discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

That is Joshua 1:6-9. It really meant a lot to me. Have I been as "strong and courageous" as I should be, as he mentions three times in this passage, knowing God is with me wherever I go? No, not nearly, but I'm working on it and these verses are sticking with me and soon that strength and courageousness will come. Remarkably, I am confident I will become a person I didn't know I could be just a few months ago. I don't know when this total transformation will come, but it has started. I just need to keep walking in the right direction. We all know which way that is.

I noticed a minor coincidence today. I've had three different names on this blog and two of them have been brought up at church in the last two weeks. Last week, Pastor Don emphasized that "God is good." This week Pastor Bob told the children that they were worth "more than many sparrows." When I had first changed the name to that one, I wrote that some people had interpreted that as sort of a joke or a sign that Jesus was human and had a sense of humor. A sparrow is not worth much, so saying we are worth more than sparrows is not saying much. Pastor Bob used it in an uplifting purpose with the children. Interestingly, he had forgotten where it was in Bible and couldn't find the verse. I knew it was somewhere in Matthew 10. Only after looking it up did I see it is in verse 31 of that chapter. When I have to go to the scripture to find a verse for some reason, I always wonder if God is asking me to read it to learn more from it. I assume He is.

After church, we went to a little shindig for Colton's other baseball team. We got to swim in the lake, play some baseball, and Colton did some fishing. He didn't catch anything, but it wasn't from a lack in trying. We'd been there once before to swim and I enjoy swimming the fairly long swim from dock to dock. Once we get out there, the boys can get a little dangerous trying to push each other in, but no one has gotten hurt yet. The food was good, the company was good and it was a beautiful day.

After this, Colton spent the night at Noah's house and Gabrielle spent the night at her Aunt Mary's. Kim went to play some bingo with Mary, so this left me some time with Noah. We played quite a bit and had a good time together.

Thank you for this time together with my family, Lord, and thank you for remaining faithful to Your word. Thank you for allowing me this time to become more loving, more joyous, more patient, more kind, more faithful, and more strong and courageous.

Amen.

God is Good--Day 75

If you can't tell by reading this blog, I like music. It's got something to do with emotions, 'cause I'm all about being emotional. I added a few more songs yesterday. Adam turned me onto Barlow Girl. Neither song I added is exactly a happy song, but the theme is inspirational. I heard Everything You Ever Wanted on a Christian radio station, so I added it as well. I'm not sure why it was on the Christian radio station on it now that I read the lyrics. They mention Jesus one time, but that's about it.

My sister bought lunch for a few of us at work today. She had bought me a gift certificate to Chili's for my birthday and I used it for myself and a couple others. I was told it'd be ready in 15 minutes. I got there about 20 minutes later and they said it'd be a minute. After 10 minutes of waiting, I began to get impatient. Almost immediately, I stopped. I mean, really, I'm sitting inside a restaurant watching ESPN as I wait. Where's the problem? I ended up waiting for another 10 minutes, and I try to stay more patient now. Many times it's like this situation. I get impatient, and then stop the impatient thoughts. It'd be nice if I didn't get impatient in the first place, but at least I'm taking steps.

I talked to Adam at work again. Most of our longer discussions have something to do with scripture, God, and love in one way or another. He really gets me thinking. As I've written before, many times it's recharging as far as my faith is concerned. I want to do a high five, maybe even a manly chest bump, and yell "PRAISE GOD! AMEN, BROTHER!", but I'm not like that. I could do that many times at church, as I'm sure many people could, but we don't for the most part. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. As long as we're praising God one way or another.

I played poker last night. I prayed before I started playing. Not a prayer that I'd do well in the tournament or anything, but a normal prayer. It definitely made me feel better. Later on, I sat looking at the people around the table. As I listened to them talk during this game that is some ways is about greed and dishonesty, I realized everyone is generally good. I've always believed the opposite. As I looked around though, I thought that everyone, for the most part, tries to be a good person. Then, at two tables I was at, there were these two crotchety older guys. I'm sure they're good in many ways, but sometimes it seems they might thing being nice is a weakness. Almost everything they said was an arguement or sarcasm. Kind of like me in a bad mood. That got me thinking about the people who don't try to be good. What a life that must be like. I'm glad I've been saved so I'll never have to find out.

I had to stop by Meijer to get some stuff for work and for home. It was about 7 minutes before 11 as I left the Meijer gas station, and I was headed to get some Taco Bell after not eating much since noon. I thought if left for home now, though, I might make it home in time for prayer time. Right on cue, as I walked in the door carrying the groceries, Kim says "We're just about to say prayers!" from upstairs. The kids walk to the top of the stairs with smiles on their faces and tell me they are just about to say prayers. I told them I passed up Taco Bell to come home, so the prayers better be better than Taco Bell. Obviously that's not too difficult. Gabrielle starts out by praying "Dear, God, please help my prayer be better than Taco Bell." It was funny, but I suppose I should not say anything like that again. All the prayers were heartwarming as was seeing Noah sound asleep through it all. I wish he could be part of these prayers as well as the family kiss we did after the prayer. He likes doing those while were awake. We do this humming sound and then all join in the middle with a kiss for everyone. It usually sounds like "MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmWAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Noah will always clap and say "Yayyyyyy." and then lean in for another one.

God is good.



EDIT.

Anyone but me notice a few of the paragraphs above end on a less positive note than how the paragraph started? This blog, while about how God has changed my life, is an experiment in being positive. I don't need to bring a negative light into it. I can cut that stuff out, and it still means about the same.

If you can't tell by reading this blog, I like music. It's got something to do with emotions, 'cause I'm all about being emotional. I added a few more songs yesterday. Adam turned me onto Barlow Girl. Neither song I added is exactly a happy song, but the theme is inspirational. I heard Everything You Ever Wanted on a Christian radio station, so I added it as well. I sang it out loud on the way home. To me it seems like a song where you're trying to better yourself in many ways. Take a listen. I try...

And this one...

I talked to Adam at work again. Most of our longer discussions have something to do with scripture, God, and love in one way or another. He really gets me thinking. As I've written before, many times it's recharging as far as my faith is concerned. I want to do a high five, maybe even a manly chest bump, and yell "PRAISE GOD! AMEN, BROTHER!", but I praise Him in my own way. I feel the same way at church, as I'm sure many people could, but we all find our own way to praise our Lord.

How about this one?...

I played poker last night. I prayed before I started playing. Not a prayer that I'd do well in the tournament or anything, but a normal prayer. It definitely made me feel better. Later on, I sat looking at the people around the table. As I listened to them talk during this game that is some ways is about greed and dishonesty, I realized everyone is generally good. I've always believed the opposite. As I looked around though, I thought that everyone, for the most part, tries to be a good person. Thank you for this insight, Jesus.

Ok. That's better.

God is Great.

I swear to God I'm a madman--Day 73

I finished The Catcher in the Rye today. In many ways, it's a very depressing book. Holden Caulfield, a 17 year old, is depressed by almost everything and believes all adults are phonies. After he invites a woman to have a drink with him, he goes off on a very odd tangent on how they can run off together and live till they run out of money, and then he'd get a job, they'd buy a cabin and he can chop wood. This scares the woman to the point where she leaves. Holden's final thought on the subject ends the chapter: "I swear to God I'm a madman.", he says.

What's really odd is that I don't think I've laughed out loud throughout a book as many times as I did when reading this one. Many people laugh at comedians because either what he's saying is perfectly true, but looked at in a different context. Either that or their timing is so perfect, that you're caught off guard by what they come up with and it ends up hilarious. Many times it's a combination of both. That's what made this book funny at points. I'd think "Oh man, that's me! I do that!" I used to be like Holden in many ways. Many people seemed phony to me and I could find something wrong with everything. I can still also ramble on endlessly repeatedly going over the same thing or going off on tangents and forgetting how to get back on topic. I cracked up when he started talking about a lost pair of gloves he used to have. He talks about those gloves and what he would say to the person who took them and where he'd find the gloves in their room and what they'd say to him and what he should say back and what he actually would say back and how he should hit them, but he's too cowardly and what he'd say instead and what they'd say back to him and on and on for two pages of the book. So when I read that sentence more than halfway through the book and already realizing how depressed he was, it made me think how much of a "madman" I had felt like.

I'd known something was wrong with me for some time. You know how people can say "Get over it, already!"? Well, I felt I just couldn't. How do you tell a scar on your body to just go away? It'll fade in time, but it's always there. To me there were no band-aids for personal scars as well. Among other things, I think of The Silence of the Lambs. Clarice's voice shakes when she tells Hannibal Lecter about how she saw and heard the lambs getting slaughtered. She just wanted them to be silent. You know for a fact her character can still hear that screaming as vividly as if it were happening right there. Same here. I wanted the screaming to go away. Fortunately, I have lived long enough to turn to God for help.

One of my favorite songs in my playlist is "Undo". One of my favorite parts in that song is when he sings "I need you. I need your help. I can't do this myself." That is so true. I spent much of my adult life not being able to forgive and forget. I look at my younger siblings and can see where I would've ended up if He had not brought Kim into my life, and then Colton, and then Gabrielle, and then Noah, and then, finally, and most importantly, His Word. The youngest brother stole a car at 14 and died instantly when he rolled it on a dirt road. The other brother lives in Texas, is manic depressive and had tried to commit suicide at least three times. The last thing I knew he had found God, had taught himself how to play the keyboard and played at his church. He played Pachelbel's Canon on his keyboard over the phone and I swear it seemed like the most beautiful piece of music I had ever heard.

I found out that scars don't disappear. You just find a way to quit worrying about them. If you can help it, you hand your problems over to God before things begin to control your life. I've learned a lifetime of things about God, myself and others in the past few months. I am no longer a madman nor am I a mad man. I have placed many of my worries and bad memories over to God. I draw strength from him when I remember to. Other times, I just try to "get over it" myself and it doesn't work. Sure, I get recharged at church and by talking to Adam, but it is only through Him that these helping hands were placed before me.

Anyway (as Holden frequently says when he finally gets back on topic), The Catcher in the Rye is a great book. I can see why it is a classic and a favorite of coming of age teenagers even back in J.D.'s day. Just try not to go crazy reading it :)

It's been a while...Days 61-71.

Wow. What a week since we were baptized. It'd be nice if I had a laptop I could do this on while I'm gone. I'm sure I forget so many good things from each day.

We took Colton out to his game in New Lothrop on Friday, but we had to be back at the church by 7:00 to attend the Discovering Oakwood class. That was educational as far as the history of the church is concerned as well as some insight on why Pastor Don preaches like he does.

Saturday, he had another game. That was a long drive to see them get shut out 5-0. Colton doesn't take the losses very hard. Neither do I, but I would like to see them win.

Sunday, we became members of the church. It was great meeting so many members of the church for the first time. I was surprised by how few I really recognized. Many times I find myself looking around the church just to take all the joy in, but I'm not really looking at the faces. I'm looking more for how the spirit is moving each person or how joyous they are. Being a part of the largest new members group was great, and the handshakes and hugs were wonderful as we stood in line introducing ourselves to the rest of the congregation. Somehow I'll have to work on my people skills if I'm going to be a bigger part of the church, but I'll go wherever the Lord asks me to go.

Monday we went to the zoo. It wasn't too hot, and a nice wind was blowing, so we got tired, but never really wore out. We got to see monkeys climbing, lions yawning, tigers stretching, giraffes eating, kangaroos laying in the shade, penguins diving, birds chirping, zebras walking, prairie dogs munching, a hippo nodding off, alligators creeping, and a polar bear laying right above us on the aquarium bottom.

Tuesday we went to Michigan's Adventure. Colton felt brave enough to try the cork screw. Amazingly, so did Gabrielle. I was disappointed on how short it was, but Gabrielle wanted to try it again, this time "with my eyes open". :) She went on it a couple more times after that, and Colton tried the Thunder Hawk with Kim. She liked it. It got Colton a little nauseous. Gabrielle also went on rides with Noah. She was the perfect height for riding the roller coasters, but still small enough to ride on the kiddie rides. I asked her not to grow for a couple years, and she said she would remind me I said that next time we come.

Colton wanted to try the guess your pitch speed game. The first ball was 43 and the second 44. He had to guess what his third pitch would be, and he said 45. This meant he was going to try to give it a little more heat, and I watched as he threw that ball with all his might. The sign lit up with a 45 and he got a huge smile on his face and picked out his new teddy bear. We tried it again later and his first pitch was 44 and his second was 45. I figured he'd guess 45 or 46 and, being the positive kid he tries to be, he guessed 46. He threw a high strike with this last pitch and after seeing the 46 light up, his fist shot in the air. He was pretty happy with himself and I was happy for him.

The wave pool was a favorite as usual and we spent quite a while in that area, getting a lot of sun. Fortunately, the kids have a little of my skin color, so Kim was the only one resembling a lobster in any way.

It was late when we got back to the hotel, and we all collapsed in bed and were sleeping soon after.

Wednesday and Thursday, we spent in Chicago. I drove the three and a half hours it took to get there and we got there and were checked in by 3:30. We realized back at our room that it was actually 2:30. Sweet. An extra hour! We did a lot of walking and sight seeing. Gabrielle and Kim went to the American Girl Doll place and Colton and I checked out the nearby Borders. Noah and Colton picked out a couple books and I picked out a book in the "classic" section. It's called the Catcher in the Rye. It's really a very interesting book. It sort of reads like a continuous stream of a man's thoughts and actions. It appears he's heading to a mental breakdown, but I'll have to finish it to find out.

We checked out the Hancock Observatory after stopping by one of the smaller shops and grabbing some Jamba Juice smoothies. Good stuff. We got to see some street performers drumming on their 5 gallon pails. They were very good and we threw a few bucks in their donation bucket. We ate at their very big McDonald's later on and there was a very big church group there. I felt like saying something to the leaders, but nothing came to me. We also ate at a ESPNZone, and I had a very good cheese steak sandwich.

The next day, which happened to be our 15th anniversary, we had to walk all the way back to the observatory to get the anti-tampering thing taken off. It was an excuse to grab some more Jamba Juice and we stopped by Macy's on the way back. Kim was done looking around rather quickly, probably because everything was so expensive, but Colton and I found some things we liked, which didn't include the $84 t-shirts. We didn't get anything, but Kim came up and picked up a few things for Gabrielle. Colton picked out a t-shirt and we left. We really didn't do much to celebrate our anniversary except enjoy ourselves.

We were behind a french speaking family in Macy's. I took a few years of french in high school. I couldn't understand them, but I love the eloquence of that language. I could listen to them talk all day and probably not understand more than a few words. The kids know their numbers in french (and spanish) and probably know what R.S.V.P stands for by now, since I say it almost every time we get a letter requesting that we "R.S.V.P" (respondez sil vous plait [respond if you please]). Ahhh, Francais...

We got home late Thursday night. It didn't seem like a 5 hour drive, but it was pretty close to it. I had called to see when the new Batman was playing on Friday and there was a 12:05 show. I decided to go ahead and see it since I was really the only one who wanted to see it and I thought it may be too dark and violent for the kids. There wasn't too much violence, but the darkness of it was pretty terrifying. I ended up getting a front row center seat and enjoyed the first 3/4 of it. The last part was poorly thrown together and really disappointed me. I've watched mediocre movies turn into great ones by a good ending (Sixth Sense) and would rather sit through that than watch a pretty good movie with a dismal ending. I'm glad I went, but I don't know if I'd see it again unless Kim wants to.

Friday, I fixed the dryer first thing in the morning. We finally got the parts for it, and I started taking it apart. It said to refer to the manual to figure out out, but, hey, I don't do manuals. I may have figured it out quicker if I had, but I was pretty satisfied with my job when I was done. I had to take the drum out too, to remove some lint that was behind it, and with Kim's help, I was able to put it back together. I got the parts together and everything back in within a couple of hours.

Saturday was my birthday. I had gotten cards from my sister and my mom. My sisters was a little odd in that she spent $5 on a card that made the sound of a pouring beer when you opened it. I rarely drink, so she must've really liked the card. It was odd not hearing from my brother, since I'm closest with him. It was probably a guy thing. The kids handed me a bag that I already knew had a favorite large chocolate bar of mine in it after seeing it the day before and she had mentioned it. The bag also had a little box in it. Surprise, surprise. In it was a beautiful sterling silver chain with a cross on it. It was perfect and I thanked her for making such a great choice. I'm not a big jewelry guy, but I don't want to take it off and it is another way to help me keep my mind on the Lord first in my life.

Sunday was the day Pastor Don spoke of the goodness and its' place in the "Fruit of the Spirit". He was very emphatic when making his points and humorous as usual at times as well. I think this series is going to help a lot of people. I know we all try to be good, but he is really making good points as to what goodness really is. I agree it is difficult to change, but most of us are going to make real efforts to try.

The Baptisms--Day 60

Kim, Colton, Gabrielle and I were baptized on Wednesday as well as four other people including another husband and wife. It was a wonderful experience and one that I will never forget. Scott and Traci started us off by leading us in singing The River. Scott seems to be a superb leader, musician and best of all, a great Christian. I really hope I can get to know him better. Traci's voice is angelic. Hearing her sing at church has brought me to tears a few times, and very nearly did on this day.

Here is a version of a song. I've played it repeatedly since that day, and played it as I created this blog. Feel free to do the same. Not quite as good as Traci, Scott and the rest of us in unison, but very meaningful nonetheless.

04_-_The_River_(Album_Version).mp3


Dennis did us the pleasure of taking great pictures, so I'll tell the story through them...


We were very lucky to have such a nice day. The water was cool as we entered, but not too bad. I was never very cold at all.



I felt very peaceful throughout the whole ceremony. You see that hand on my shoulder? Maybe that was part of it. I'm not sure I knew it was there, but seeing that now, it means a lot.




I was the second of the group and first in my family to be baptized. It was over very quickly and Kim said it looked like he had actually pushed me down. I think the emotion I was feeling the most at this time was joy. Gabrielle appears intrigued by Uncle Dennis or someone in the rest of the congregation. Such innocence.




Kim appears to be smiling. I can only assume she was feeling joyful as well. I look like I can't believe what just happened...or I need a haircut so I'm pulling my hair back. It's the latter, actually. I was never very excited. As I've said, it was mostly peace and joy I was feeling.




Kim was up next. She would later describe the experience as "wonderful" and was very happy we went through with this.




I'm glad I was there to experience her baptism. It's a beautiful thing to watch.




Look at that smile! Isn't that great?! I appear to be smiling as well. Colton appears to have sort of a frozen smile that is giving the appearance of happiness with some "This water is cold!" mixed in. :)




Colton's always had a very contagious smile and laugh. Looking at him smile and hearing him laugh makes me do the same. He looks like he's looking forward to it as he said he was earlier in the day.




We all watch as he's baptized...




...and he comes up smiling, too. He also appears to be looking directly at Gabrielle. That probably brought her a little bit of comfort.




If you get a close up on the picture, she's smiling as well. Rather than a contagious smile, she has a smile that just warms my heart. Knowing my baby girl is happy makes me happy.




She is the last of us four to be baptized...




...and she appears to have enjoyed it as much as the rest of us.




In one sense, we walked out together as we walked in together. In another sense, I think the family that walked out is different than the family that walked in. We're even closer than we were before and our hearts are closer to God. Noah is going to be an unknowing beneficiary of all this LOVE.



Fran is there as we walk out. Apparently she had been taking pictures. As wet as I still was she was there to give me a hug. I don't know her very well either, but she has meant a lot to me. She has answered my e-mails filled with questions as thouroughly as possible. I was introduced to her after Kim had found out she had read my first blog and was moved by it. Of everyone I told about that experience, she seemed to understand what it meant to me the most. Later on, she would give me probably the biggest hug I've ever been given outside of my family. She seems so happy for all of us.




I don't usually care for pictures of myself, especially close-ups. As far as I know, I could be staring at my sandy feet, but to me, I look introspective. I am introspective. That's who I am and always have been. Between the busyness behind me and the large group of people in front of me, stands a new man of God with joy, peace and love in his heart. The sun God made is warming my back and reflecting off the water. Nice picture, Dennis.





Probably almost immediately after that last picture, I got a long hug from Dennis. I'm sure everyone there was overjoyed to be able to experience the love emminating from this small area on God's green earth. I later shook hands with a couple of deacons that were there. They congratulated us with smiles on their faces. Scott shook my hand and congratulated us as well.

At the meeting in his office on Sunday, Kim and I had sensed a bit of apprehensiveness from Pastor Don. I felt it was because he really didn't really know us very well and was being to asked to do something very important in our lives. I realized later Wednesday night how comfortable he had made everything. I later thanked him for everything. He thanked me for allowing him to take part in this glorious event. He wasn't just saying what he thought he should say. He really meant it and is more than happy to baptize anyone who wants a closer relationship with God.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing us this opportunity and for bringing all these people together to share this with us. Congratulations to the others that were baptized and thank you for the rest of you that showed up and experienced this amazing event and turning point in my life.

Devotionals and Doritos--Days 58 and 59

On Monday I had to leave almost as soon as I got home. I had to take Gabrielle to my sister's for the night and I had to take Colton to practice and then to his friend Adam's for the night. The Adam I work with had mentioned much of the emotions he mentions in his first blog (see bloglist) this morning, but it seemed like a lot more anger than the sadness in his writing. Understandably, the two emotions are going hand-in-hand right now. He had mentioned doing devotionals with his wife in the past and today had mentioned finding a couples devotional. When I got home, I got on the internet and tried to find one. I managed to find one at http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/momentstogether/ . When I got home, Kim and I read it over, and while the discussion started off slowly, we ended up talking for well over an hour. We got off topic once in a while and once we were done saying what we needed to say, we'd try to rein it back in. Near the end, I asked Kim what we needed to do for each other. She said "More of this." I was incredibly pleased to hear that.

Tuesday we did the same. The kids were still up and it was pretty hot inside the house, so we did not talk quite as long, but the discussion was still fruitful. Noah made his presence known while we were talking. He had gotten in the pantry and grabbed the Doritos. Then he dumped them all over the floor. He apparently thought it was pretty funny. I grabbed the camera and took a couple pictures. He had no problem continuing to shake all the rest of the crumbs out and then dropping the bag on the floor. Earlier I had read him his new book. It's great that a book can keep a baby's short attention for so long. Praise God for our healthy, intelligent kids.

Baptism and baseball--Day 57

Sunday was an interesting experience. Scott wasn't at church to head the praise team, so that got things started on a different foot. After communion, which Colton and Gabrielle enjoyed for the first time, there was a new preacher. Instead of Pastor Don was a man who had graduated from a seminary last year. His name was Todd and his sermon was on patience. For a while, the sermon seemed excessively humorous and disjointed. After many of his points he would refer back to his notes while ending his last point with a couple nonchalant words while we waited for him to start again.

It ended up being informative and interesting as well as powerful at points. Whether I can follow his lead and God's command on patience, I am unsure, but he makes me want to try. As we were leaving, I saw him talking to a man while halfway into his truck, so I walked his way to thank him and commend him on his well done sermon. He saw me just as he was about to close his door. He got out, shook my hand and I told him how much I liked his sermon. He thanked me for the compliment and asked me our names. I told him, and we parted ways.

He was one of the last out of the parking lot because his sermon had been over for at least a half hour. We had spoken to Pastor Don about getting baptized. He asked us to come into his office and told us a few others would be joining us. Interestingly, I didn't recognize either of the other two guys getting baptized. I recognized the fiance of one of them who sang in the praise team once in a while, but not them. Pastor Don asked us why we wanted to get baptized. He started with one of the men, I believe he was named Mark, and he spoke for a while and I could tell he had probably read a lot of scripture and, as I do, was looking forward to the baptism. The second man didn't speak nearly as long, but mentioned that he had gone to a Catholic church in the past, felt very comfortable at Oakwood and felt it was God's will for him to be baptized.

Then it was my turn. I pretty much went over the "Shout to the Lord" post. I told them I was a new Christian, had just very recently seen the light, and I felt the need to dive head first in whatever I felt was God's will for me. Next was Kim. She feels this is an important step in her walk of faith and felt moved to do it as well. Colton went next and he pretty much repeated what I said without mentioning a prayer vigil. He also mentioned he thought it would be "really cool". Gabrielle was last and she could only answer "I don't know" to his question on why she wanted to get baptized. I had told her what it was and what happened and she had been very reluctant to do it because she didn't want to get dunked. I made her feel a bit more comfortable about it and again explained that she should only do it if she believes that Jesus died for all of us, including her, and was her Savior. I didn't mention it again for a couple days and on Sunday morning she said she wanted to get baptized. That was a pleasant surprise. Maybe she doesn't want to feel left out, but as long as she believes, it's fine with me. I hope the kids get the sense on how special Wednesday night will be for all of us.

Later that day, I got a call from Jason, a good friend of mine, and he asked if I wanted to play some baseball. I don't play much but it sounded like fun, so I headed out to Imlay City to play. It took about 20 minutes to get there and they were still waiting for some people to show up. Once we had 7 per side, we played. I struck out swinging the first time, looking the next time, but managed to get the bat on the ball a couple times. The third time up, I got a double. The next time up, I walked. The next guy up was a pretty good hitter so the other team told their guys to back up. Although we were already up 9-3, that was my cue to steal second. Just before he let go of the ball, I took off as fast as my plodding feet would take me. The throw went high and I was in safely. The guy from third went home on the overthrow and the catcher proceeded to yell at the second basemen, which happened to be Jason. It wouldn't have mattered who was playing second. As high as he was throwing the ball, no one was getting me out. He had been complaining at the top of his lungs all afternoon, so I don't think Jason took it too personally. Once people starting getting ready to go, we were up 10-8, with that last out happening when that catcher tried stealing home(????). He didn't make it and people started getting ready to go. I'm not sure I would've had as much fun if I had been on the losing side, but it was a good time.

Nice day--Day 56

Saturday was fun. We ran out to Great Lakes Crossing to take Gabrielle out for her birthday dinner and went to the Rainforest Cafe there. I had pasta and Kim had roast. The servers always want to bring the meat to me and the pasta to Kim. I guess we're a little different that way. The kids had their normal mac 'n' cheese. Later on, we let them run around the playground they have in the middle. It was Noah's first time there. I remember when Colton was little and we'd come here and he'd play. I think Noah liked it just as much as Colton used to. We also did a little shopping. Kim and Gabrielle looked at shoes, Colton and I went in the sports store, and we all went in the bookstore. Before we left, we grabbed some ice cream.

Nice, peaceful day.

Fourth of July--Day 55

Brian had us over for a Fourth of July party. I don't feel like I'm judgemental of Brian, but I can't go over to his place and not feel that he is in a place he wants desperately out of. It seems like he's dug a pretty good hole for himself and I feel that I am judgemental of his girlfriend Belinda. She does not seem to be the sort to help pull him out of this situation. The only person that can is The One whom Brian does not believe in. You can't force someone to come to God, but if I could, I would. I am making a promise to God right now that I will at least make an attempt to talk to him.

The party was a lot of fun. The kids got to swim for a while, the food was good and Brian really made an attempt to make sure everyone was fed and comfortable. Everyone enjoyed the fireworks. Noah seemed fascinated by them for a while, then he got tired. The bangs! and booms! kept him up for a while, but soon he was sound asleep.

Kimberly--Day 54

I'm still confounded, yet thankful by many of my thoughts behind this blog. I'm confounded by the thought of all the people that were placed in my path to bring me closer to God, to which I partially ignored. A short list would include a couple pastors when I was younger(one of whom baptized me), Janet (a friend I still have from one of those churches), Dennis and Jennifer, Pastor Bob and Pastor Don, Brendan (a Christian manager of McDonald's several years ago), Jim, Adam and every singer of every Christian song I'd ever heard.

I amazed at the person who ended up being the catalyst of my change of heart. Her name is Diane Ullrich and she is a psychological therapist. I signed up through work to see a therapist they would pay for and I was in close proximity to. I wanted help in changing my negative attitude and overly emotional being. I went to my first appointment, and it did not seem to be helpful whatsoever. As in most first appointments I later found out, the patient does most of the talking. I was hoping to get from something from her, and I got almost nothing. "This isn't going to work", I thought. Maybe that was my bad attitude coming up to the forefront, but only then did I turn to God. I told Adam about the appointment and told him I wanted a closer relationship with God. It's not easy telling your boss you're seeing a therapist, but I later found out he had seen one too. We talked for quite some time, and later, when I got home, I told Kim that I thought that that conversation was a defining moment in my life. Her answer that day was much less than enthusiastic, but once I got her talking about it, she said something that I still think about once in a while today. She said she always thought she was more religious than I am, and thought maybe I didn't even believe because of the questions I occasionally brought up. We went to church that Easter Sunday, the prayer vigil was a few weeks later and the rest is history.

I managed to push my way through a total of five appointments. At the fourth, she said she'd like me to write down a list of positive things I notice every day, no matter how small. She said she be excited to see that list. When I said "read a bit, wrote a bit" in that first "Shout to the Lord" blog, that was what I was writing. I had gotten behind over a few days, and tried to remember all the positive things over those days. That definitely helped get me in the right frame of mind. A couple of things happened as a result of that. One, after placing my list on the table between us, Diane showed no interest in looking at it at my final appointment. I knew then it would be my last. Two, I decided to keep writing those positive things in blog form. I'm very glad I have.

Although creating a blog was Kim's idea, she has shown no interest in adding to it or reading mine unless I ask her to. I asked her several weeks ago if she wanted to become a member of the church and she was very hesitant. I asked her a few days ago if she wanted to be baptized, and again, she was very hesitant. I guess the best word to describe this hesitancy is practicality. She is so much more practical than I am (she's also more intelligent in many subjects, has more common sense, is more humble, less selfish, and much more attractive, but let's just stick with practical for now). While I want to jump head first in many of the things to do with the church, she wants to take a wait-and-see approach. I love her for that. As a woman that has accepted Jesus as her Savior, God may be asking me to put a little more thought behind my decisions. So far, the quick decisions I've made have bore fruit. I believe it was because I feel that what I was about to do was what God was asking me to do. Fortunately, I am finally listening.

Camping again--Day 53

I had lots of fun totally exhausting myself today. I enjoy the fact and praise God that I'm going to be 36 in a couple of weeks and can still keep up with the kids. I got to the campsite a little after 7:00 to see everyone still sleeping except for Noah. We were able to play for a bit and soon we had woken everyone else up. Colton and I were playing catch before 9, and then Gabrielle, Noah and I went to one of the parks to play. We played there a bit, and then walked back to change, get Colton and go swimming. The morning was too cool and the water was too cold for me to jump in, so I just watched Colton and Gabrielle, much to the disappointment of Colton. Almost every kid or adult that jumped in and then later jumped out of that pool ended up shaking like a leaf. Noah was pretty angry he couldn't just jump in, so he'll have to get some swimming lessons as soon as we can.

Later, Colton, Gabrielle and I got some wristbands. (As an aside I've really made it a point to call her Gabrielle on this blog and to her rather than Gabby. It's sounds so much prettier. Noah has caught on and now yells "Gabbyell!" rather than "Gabby!") The wristbands let us play putt-putt golf, the bumperboats, water wars, bank-shot basketball, the hippo-slide, and the go-carts to our hearts content for four hours. Between the three of us, we did each multiple times except for the basketball. With just 20 minutes to go, Gabrielle wanted to play putt-putt as she hadn't been able to yet and Colton wanted to ride the bumper-boats. Knowing the bumper-boats were only supposed to take 7 minutes, we did that first and then ran back to get our putters with 5 minutes to go.

When we got back to the campsite, Mary made some sloppy joes. I'm not particularily fond of sloppy joes, but they were quite good and I had a couple. Colton wanted to rent a banana bike, so I rented him one and Gabrielle, Noah and I rented a three seater. After our 40 minutes were up, we got an ice cream. When we got back to the campsite, I layed down, opened a book and passed out. When I awoke, the kids played some UNO, we played a game of Scattergories and then I left after asking them to pray with me. We all, including Noah, went to Mary's bed to pray. Once Noah saw us put our hands together and bow our heads, he got up on the bed, got on his knees and put his face flat on the bed. It was the funniest thing. After that, it was hard concentrating on the prayers while he climbed all over us, but I'm glad he was with us.

Prayers answered--Day 52

I could tell a friend of mine was close to tears yesterday as she vaguely described how someone had done something very cruel that involved her. She didn't tell me exactly what it was, and I wasn't about to pry, but I told her that I hoped everything worked out for her. Later on, I asked if she was any better. She said she wouldn't be until tomorrow (today) and told me what had happened. It was indeed something very cruel and I understood why she would have to wait to see how things worked out. I told her I had prayed for her, and would continue to do so. She thanked me and said she hadn't prayed so much for as long as she could remember. Based on earlier discussions, I hoped God and I had something to do with that.

She told me today that her prayers had been answered and thanked me for my prayers. I told her that I would continue to pray that her wedding in a couple weeks was a beautiful one and that her and her fiancee would find peace in their hearts. They could both be very angry for what had been done, but I hope that they are able to put this behind them and enjoy the next couple weeks and their upcoming marriage.

I'm also hoping that another friend of mine has his prayers answered as well today. His relationship with his wife has been on very shaky ground after she left him a few weeks ago, but they were getting back together if only for one night. They were to attend a funeral together today, so any more work to their marriage may be difficult for today at least. I pray that one way or another, they become closer than they ever have.

I had a discussion with Dennis and Jennifer today. While talking to them, I noticed how pretty Alexandra is. I noticed how much her eyes looked like Dennis' as he held her. Elliana stood there much of time as we talked with a perpetual smile on her face. Whatever they were doing before I stopped by must've been a lot of fun. One of the things they must've been doing was eating, 'cause Trent soon walked up with what look like a face full of spaghetti sauce. He was smiling as well. Dennis can be seem very intense sometimes, but looking back on it now, it was a very peaceful conversation.

I relayed the info of the conversation with Kim. I asked if she would get baptized next week if it's possible. If she can, I will too. She said she wanted to know more about it first, and I told her as much as I could. I think I made her feel much more comfortable about it, and I am looking forward to becoming a member of our church as soon as the Lord sees fit.