Thoughts--Day 12

I had just finished my last blog, when I realized how what I considered my biggest blessings were glaringly missing from what I had been writing. Hardly a mention at all about the family. I suppose I take their greatness for granted. I can honestly say I've spent more time with each of them, though. I believe Kim and I have talked a bit more. And speaking of our talking, I feel she has grown spiritually quite a bit. That's between her and God, but the Holy Spirit seems to have had quite an effect on her through Bible study, church worship, and our friends. I love hearing her thoughts, questions and answers. I think I admire her selflessness the most, but all in all, she makes me a better person and really helps in my endeavor to be be a better disciple.

The kids and I were watching a movie this week, and as I lay there on the couch enjoying the movie, Gabrielle gets up from her chair and lays on the couch directly in front of me. I put my arm around her and we spent the rest of the movie that way. I thought right away that would have never happened had I been sitting in my computer chair. It hits me now how few times that has happened over the years.

I checked out Chris Tomlin's version of "Exalted" on youtube. I like our worship team's version more. Justin seems to like that one and he and the others do a great job with it. There's another song I like but it seems too fast for the congregation, so I tried closing my eyes and saying the words to Him. Gabrielle must have looked up at me during those few moments 'cause she asked why I had my eyes closed. She asked me if I was praying. I suppose I was.

11 or 111 is still my favorite number. I've blogged why, but I still find it interesting where it comes up. I wonder if I had another favorite number, would it come up as much. My friend at work who has recently started going to church was running a prototype part. He told me he had run 111 parts so far in the day. Hmm. We got home from Bible study the other night, and I pulled the van into the driveway, and just before I turned off the van, I look at the miles on it and sort of chuckle. "What?", Kim says. "The miles.", I say. She peeks over from the passenger side and smiles. 111111 Hmmm. I check out the length of a movie I'm watching the same night. 111 minutes. I still get a kick out of Colton's face after I had made a mistake with my deposit slip in the bank. I had asked for $120 left out of my check, but I had read my check wrong and she would be giving me $9.00 less. Fine with me. She counted out the money "Twenty, Forty, Sixty, Eighty, a Hundred, a Hundred ten, $111". "Whoa!", Colton says. I just smile as he tells the teller what all his excitement is about. During one particularly stressful morning, my first measurement of the day was 1.11mm. It literally stopped me in my tracks. I said a small prayer as I usually do. My day seemed to get much better from there. I'll never forget how brightly it shone from my phone as I entered my prayer room 2 years ago. Pastor Dan mentioned the upcoming Good Friday prayer vigil today. I can't wait.

God is good.

Day 6

In my old(er) age, I've finally grown to be comfortable in my own skin. Still, I'd like to see myself through other's eyes, just for an hour or so. I see one of my buddies from work, and I know he's a little quirky and a bit quiet. Another is sort of a geek (I mean that in the nicest way possible). Another is talkative, but seems to be a nice guy. I suppose I wonder how I'm seen. I'm not even sure how I'd describe myself,but I must say I feel more driven with the Lord's strength guiding me.

In my Bible study group, sometimes I feel like I'm talking too much. On the other hand, we're there to discuss and sometimes the silence is so deafening. I figure that's the best time to get something off my chest. On the other hand, I really enjoy the commentary of others. Tim and Cody are the new couple, and I prayed they would join, so right now I'm sort of hanging on every word. There have been times where one or the other has put something I was thinking so brilliantly into words that I can't help but smile. Inwardly, I'm thinking "EXACTLY!!" or "YES, THAT'S IT!!" and leaping across the coffee table for a huge high five. Outwardly, I smile and nod slowly. The same happens for the other couples, but the newness has not worn off yet.

At work, I wonder if I'll ever be "That Guy". I don't suppose so, but right or wrong, I've brought up my faith or God to more people than had ever brought Him up to me in my lifetime of work. If I could, I'd have a faith based discussion with everyone at work every day. The different perspectives would be awesome. Even those who don't believe would at least give me the opportunity to witness to them a bit. I just don't feel that trying to be nice and respectful and honest and trying to make all the correct decisions is enough. On the other hand, I don't know if I'm the right man for the job. On the third hand, I feel so blessed. It's not right to not let others know what God has done for me.

By the way, these 6 days have not been easy. I've strayed from my goal of total separation as far as recreational computing, but I've done well so far. I've got a feeling that this is not just a Lent thing. I'm praying it's a lifestyle change.

God is good.

Day 4

I haven't been doing the reading I'd hope I'd start doing. Maybe tomorrow.

It's a struggle, but hopefully won't be by the time Lent is over.

I'm tired. I should probably get to bed soon.

Thank you, Jesus.

Day 2

Just like old times. I used to hop on this blog every day, sometimes just before midnight. Again, I've made it just under the wire.

So far, the separation has been pretty easy. Sure the gnawing is there, but watching my favorite show with Kim, catching an old episode of Home Improvement with the kids, getting some reading done, and saying prayers have filled in very well.

The words "Love others as God loves us" ended a conversation today. I've been warned I may have enemies that may seem like friends. "Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer" this person said. But these people are not my enemies, I replied. You say that because you do not know them well enough was the retort. Possibly, I remarked, but I try to Love others as God loves us. I was already talking to the back of her head as she continued to work, but there was...silence. It's tough to say something like that without sounding "holier than thou". I mean, how can we really love someone even close to how much God loves us. I must seem crazy to some people. Ah well, aren't we all a little.

Another friend got a call from what may be a future employer. They called and told him to show up at 10:00 on Friday for an interview. He's pretty excited. I'm excited for him. It just so happens that because of the way his work schedule works, he didn't have to work Friday. To me, that's a God thing, but I suppose everything is. I told him our prayers (his mother's and mine) had worked. I told him God had a great plan for him and I felt pretty confident he'd get the job. He asked me to say a few more prayers for him and I have and will. He went to Catholic school for several years, so I wonder where his own faith is.

Another friend of mine is from Tennessee, but he comes up to H & H every week to do some work with us. I've found out this Christian man has been to several countries building houses and other shelter for the less fortunate. It was quite a story to listen to and I must admit that, in a way, I'm jealous. Ah, maybe someday. I found out yesterday that he is also a musician. He plays the drums in a band he has down south. I reminded him today of the cd he promised me. He went and grabbed it from his truck when he had minute and warned me, in his Nashville, Tennessee accent, not to make fun of their country twang and his band in general. I'm listening to them right now and I must say I can't turn the cd off. I haven't listened to this type of country music in forever, but their fun, passionate, Christian sound is great. Them boys can really "pick it" as he would say. Good stuff.

Thank you, Lord, for all the Christian people that keep showing up in my path to you.

It's our choice--Day 1

I think the second favorite gift I got for Christmas was a robe. I don't think I'd ever owned a robe before. Wow. They're as warm as they look. I never knew how much I wanted one till I actually had one. At the top of my list of Christmas presents was a book. It called "The Grace Awakening" by Chuck Swindoll. We had read excerpts of the book in our last Bible study and I go to church where there are no "grace killers" that I know of, but it's still a really great read.

I never knew how much I needed God's grace till I actually knew it existed.

Today I read about Chuck's first two ways (out of five) of claiming grace. By "claiming grace", he means to take five of the more tender spots in our personal lives and understanding how God's grace can help. We need to claim grace in our insecurities, our weaknesses, in abrasiveness, with compromise and with our pride.

Today, I started with insecurity. In scripture (1 Corinthians 15:6-11), Paul admits his weakness, but understands that "by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain." Paul could have let his past problems haunt him, but he refused to. He understood that through the grace of God, sins were forgiven and he was given an important, yet undeserved, role in God's plan.

I finished with weakness. From 2 Cor. 12:7-10, I read that "I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." My hobby, and sometimes my weakness, has always been with computers or anything that looks or acts like a computer. It is a solitary hobby for a solitary person. With three great children and one spectacular wife though, I am not in solitude very often, yet I find myself near my computer anyway. I'm not much a TV person, so the computer is essentially my TV.

I'm giving that up today for Lent. I use a computer at work, and I will use my computer to blog, and I will help others if necessary, but as far as recreational purposes, I'm done for a while. While I can be content with my weaknesses, I cannot allow myself to not be changed. I want to find ways to better fill my important, yet undeserved role in God's plan. I'm praying much of this extra time is well used. Kim, the kids, and anyone who has time to read the solitary thoughts of a not so solitary man, will hold me accountable.

On a related, but totally different topic, I realized how difficult it can be to try to keep God at the forefront of my thoughts when I'm under the weather. I did not feel well yesterday at all. I ate nothing all day which probably attributed to how wore down I felt. Today, I felt better. Blessings are more easily realized. I was blessed by the amount of sleep I had gotten. Once I got home, said Hi to the fam as they got home from Girl Scouts, and had a sandwich, I laid on the couch...and promptly fell asleep for the next 12 hours. I felt revived! I was revived enough to notice another blessing as I stepped into work running a little late. I saw my co-worker minimize the screen he was working on, maximize the timeclock and step out of the way, before I even had a chance to open the lab door. I punched in right on time. Seeing random acts of kindness are great ways to start the day.

I ended my day with another thought.

You see, everyone with e-mail capabilities e-mails everyone within their group what their day was comprised of doing. It's a good way of keeping the lines of communication flowing. Yesterday, when I was not feeling well, my e-mail was very small. I did what I usually did and was not needed to do anything extra. It seemed odd as I wrote it, but there it was. Today, when I was feeling better and more energized, I was asked to do quite a bit more than normal. It was really a great day and went smoothly. I considered how much of a blessing that was. On a day I was feeling great, I was pulled in many directions, yet on the day I was feeling sick, I was only pulled in one. Let me just say God has a hand in everything.

Speaking of sickness, a few weeks ago, I had overheard a worker mention to our H.R. personnel that his wife was sick and how he had had to take a couple days off of work to stay with her. I immediately said a prayer for her, him and their family. Today, I was reminded of something someone in my Bible study group had said. She believed that if you let someone know you're praying for them, many times it lifts their spirits. He did not seem down by any means, but I wanted to know how she was doing. So, surprising even myself, I asked. He said she had lung cancer that had spread to her brain. He said that today she said she felt like giving up. She was very depressed. He said he did what he could to keep her spirits up, but it was tough. I asked if they had a church and he said no, but their daughter did and he had met some people at the hospital and they were all praying for them, and I told him that I was too. He thanked me and that ended our conversation. Retelling that story to Kim or writing it down just pierces my heart. I hope I never feel like "giving up", but I may, even with the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I've prayed for healing and peace for both of them and hope others continue to do the same. I also pray that if they do not know the Lord, that they do so soon. I pray that prayer for anyone who does not know Him.

I was also reminded of the parable of the talents from Matthew. Two of the three men did very well with what was given them, while another did nothing. The two were given much more responsibility, while the third was seemingly condemned to die. I suppose the telling of why I was reminded of this parable may be a little self-serving and may also take this parable out of context. If we do well with what God has given us, we will be given more responsibilities in the Kingdom of Heaven. If we do nothing, we are condemned. It's our choice. Pursue Him as he pursues us. Get the Word out. Love others as He loves us. Love Him with all your strength, with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your soul.