I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in earnest on April 20, 2008. This blog was created to help me take better notice of all the good in the world. I give glory to God for it all.
If you have a few extra minutes on your hands, read Adam's most recent blog. Maybe you should read his very first blog to understand where he's coming from. Today's blog is about a joyous man who withstood a very bad time in his life and realizes he still has things to learn; not only about life, but about God. There is a long road ahead with many twists and turns, but life is turning a new and healing corner.
Yesterday was not a great day, yet I still find it joyous. I'm glad I don't need to dwell on things as much. I'm glad small, good things seem much more wondrous and small, bad things seem that much better. I'm glad I found my watch today. I'm glad Rick is recovering well. I'm glad both Colton and Gabrielle have a friend to take to B.A.R.F. (Be A Real Friend) night at Awana's tomorrow. I'm glad I have three kids and the chatter and arguing and laughing and crying and acts of confidence and acts of frustration and the eating and drinking and cooking and cleaning and the games of catch and the loud singing and quiet whispers and the falling and getting up and playing and punishment and the learning and the stress and the "I love you"'s never seem to end. I'd like to pray it never does, but that is not a prayer God can answer so I will enjoy it while it lasts.
Colton caught a couple very nice punts today. One was a rather spectacular catch and then he ran the ball quite a ways. The second was a good catch as well, and then a look of determination on his face. It rained near the end of the game. It turned into a downright downfall. I, and many other dads, continued to watch this game where Colton's team was winning by over 20 points as drop after drop dripped from our noses. Except, of course, the dads who had checked the weather before they came and had brought an umbrella.
I notice and enjoy noticing small coincidences (Days 1, 2, and 89). I'm not going to say it's a bad thing until it somehow backfires or I learn something different. I had mentioned to Gil a while ago that people can notice coincidences anywhere if they're in the right (or wrong) state of mind bringing up the main character in "A Beautiful Mind". I don't think I take it to extremes, but I may notice them more than most. I had noticed the final numbers of my "days" were all the same--Day 142/Day 2/Day 2. I thought that was interesting. Maybe I can continue to keep it this way. Later on, I turned my Bible to the first page I'd ever dog-eared. I'm not exactly sure why I did; possibly because Pastor Don stated he was going to try to memorize the Psalm. It is Psalm 119 and it is the longest chapter in the Bible with 176 verses and over 350 lines. That would be quite a feat and would take a lot of work and time. I came to it today and thought I may want to memorize part of it or write it down or study it. Since I started the Bible study class, I've been praying before I read scripture. Instead, I asked God to show me something. I don't know why. I was looking for some reason that would make this passage even more interesting. I probably asked Him to show me something a few times while glancing over all the verses. And then there was my coincidence. Not only did Psalm 119 consume both of the pages I was looking at, but the last verse on the page was...119. Does this change anything for me? Nah. Was God actually "showing" me something. Probably not, but I praise Him for allowing us the joy of happiness. I'll leave it at that.
Here's a list of positive moments throughout my day.
I prayed on the way to work this morning.
I kept my poise at work when I could've gotten angry.
I read the bible at work and wrote down some scripture.
I had an enjoyable discussion with Adam.
Noah prayed at dinner tonight with is hands clasped for the first time I'd ever seen. He also said Amen clear as day.
We laughed a lot at the dinner table together.
After asking Gabrielle to relax and take a breath while continually making mistakes with the same verse, she did so and sat down. She proceeded to say the verse without one mistake. She repeated this process every other time she forgot a word or made a mistake. Maybe she can stick with it.
I received my new NiSB NASB bible (repetitive?) today. I read the introduction and all the specific note taking looks a little haphazard and possibly overwhelming, but that's what I'm taking the class for.
I mentioned a few days ago that I'd like to add some humor or something to this blog, but it's probably not going to happen. There's not much I can add to the positive moments of my day. I suppose it will remain fairly boring, but I'm cool with that, as long as it helps me through some things. We enjoyed church as usual. The sermon was meaningful and a continuing theme for this week. Wendy had mentioned the importance of prayer in her life and I realize how important it is in ours as well. She said she used to pray every morning and did not do so anymore. Her goal was to get back on track as far as that was concerned. I need to try and pray in the morning. I think that would help. I think about God often, but it is important to think about Him first thing in the morning. I should also choose a certain time to study His word. I'm looking forward to getting my new bible. I currently use an NIV bible, but under Jim Kirkland's request, I ordered the New inductive Study Bible which is an NASB. There was new music during praise and worship time this week. I liked the song and I wish I could remember some of the words or the name of it. We also got to see a couple of young girls get baptized. The youngest girls' mom was very near her daughter as she was getting baptized and looked very emotional and happy. Before the service, Fran told me I had made her day with an e-mail I had sent earlier. That was sweet of her to say.
We went to lunch afterward in Oxford at Casa Real. I really enjoyed my food as did Kim and Gabrielle, but Colton didn't care for his nachos. Noah liked my tortillas so at least he ate something. Afterward we went home to celebrate Kim's birthday later on. The kids and I made her a cake and I made a spaghetti dinner. Colton and I threw the football outside till we both sweaty and tired. After dinner, Gabrielle and I went over her verses and I helped Colton a bit with his workbook for Awana. Our prayers as the kids went to bed all seemed heartfelt. Good times. I'm tired. Thank you for everything, Lord.
The good thing is I've been busy. Awana's Wednesday, class Thursday and leaving for camping as soon as we get home Friday. The bad part is I haven't added to my blog as long as I thought I would and haven't read as much as I've wanted. I stayed busy today as well. I made breakfast, went fishing with Colton, played some monkey-in-the-middle with a football, a few new friends Colton's age and Colton. We played for quite a while and had a lot of fun. Brianna and Allison were getting bored at the campsite so they came to terrorize me for a bit. Eventually I was challenged to a water fight. Colton and I ran all over the place chasing them and trying to douse them with the water. By the end, all four of us were soaking wet. I had forgotten to bring a change of pants but Kim, as usual, had it covered. She had brought the swim trunks we borrowed from Deanna and Zac.
In the middle of all this, at around 1:00, the kids went around for trick or treating. Scott and I stayed back passing out candy. All the kids are so nice. Most of them just taking one piece of candy, and saying Thank You. The kids came back after an hour with a bunch of candy and we had lunch. Soon after, I was suggesting Colton go see if he could play catch with the other kids and that would start hours of fun.
Pork steaks (my favorite) were for dinner. I didn't realize how famished I was. We had some interesting dinner conversation and soon after we headed for home. We put most of the stuff away when we got home and then relaxed for as long as we could till tomorrow when we'll go to church and then celebrate Kim's birthday a day late.
I need to update my Wednesday and Thursday before I forget much about them. Hopefully I'll do that tomorrow.javascript:void(0)
Looking at a few other blogs, I've seen some wickedly good humor. Perhaps that is a bad word to describe it, but it'd be nice if I could inject some of that into my blog. On the other hand, I am taking this being positive/daily blogging/daily bible reading experiment as serious (pun partially intended) as possible. Maybe I could have a little more fun with it though. We shall see.
I finally finished my note-taking from "The Shack". After reading it the first time, I had taken a few notes before deciding I'd like to read it through without stoppages. The second time I read it, I started when the main character gets to the shack and took a bunch of notes. I had felt tempted to blog some of my notes on here before I was finished, but I decided to wait till I was done.
Every note I took, I felt there was at least a modicum of truth in it. As the author puts it, "Perhaps if some of it is not actually true in one sense, it is still true nonetheless." Another phrase from the author that may describe these notes is "If anything matters, then everything matters." Some just tripped me up a little. Others affected me deeply. Most of them showed me something in a different way and led to a better understanding of my faith, which I believe was the point of book whether it is a true vision or not.
Adam had told me yesterday that he tries to get as much out what he learns as he can when reading the Bible. He tries to engrain himself very deeply in what he reads. That's the same thing we're asked to do by Jim Kirkland, our bible study professor. If I can be affected by and learn as much from this book, then I know there is so much more to learn in the Bible. Both the class and "The Shack" will help me read the Bible in the right mindset. Thank you, Jesus.
"The Shack" Notes
There are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational.
God is with everyone all the time; even in their worst moments.
In order to find a way out of darkness, one must learn to live loved.
You can be so utterly lost that you can take what is simple and make it complex. (this one is SO me.)
You don't have to have it all figured out (Dennis keeps telling me this). Just be with Jesus.
It does the soul good to let the waters run once in a while--the healing waters.
We are "free to leave" whenever we want. God is not interested in prisoners.
Freedom does not mean we are allowed to do whatever we want to do. Only God can truly set us free. The truth will set us free and The Truth has a name: Jesus.
Regardless of what we "feel", God never leaves us.
Why the emphasis on "Father"? Once Creation was broken, true fathering would be more lacking than mothering. An emphasis on fathering is necessary because of the enormity of its' absence.
"When all you see is your pain, perhaps you lose sight of Me?"
The God who is cannot act apart from love.
Jesus would've died if it were only for me, but it wasn't.
God can choose to limit Himself so as to facilitate and honor our relationship. It is not about being superior, but about love and respect.
God is three persons, and each of the three is fully and entirely The One. If He were simply One God and One Person, then we would find ourselves without love and relationship.
"I'm so sorry that you, that Jesus, had to die."
Holy Spirit--creativity, action, the breathing of Life, God's spirit.
We are the very center of His love and purpose.
"Being" always transcends appearance.
"...hear me clearly. You are not lost." (that's comforting to know)
God does not need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside. It is not His purpose to punish it; it is His joy to cure it.
The Trinity is a "circle of relationship", not a chain of command.
Don't confuse adaptation for intention or seduction for reality.
Broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them.
I enjoyed the metaphor of the Holy Spirit cleaning out the garden (Mack's soul) including the roots.
Rumors and glory are often hidden inside of what many consider myths and tales.
Only God can judge. Only he knows good from evil. (very important to realize)
A child is protected because she is loved, not because she has the right to be protected.
We are all guilty of judging almost everyone we meet and many we have not, based on appearance or actions or whatever state of mind or prejudice that supported the need to exalt ourselves.
If we feel God is "to blame" for anything, we are unfairly judging Him.
"Could I go instead? If you need someone to [die], I'll go in their place. Could I do that? Please let me go for my children, please, I would be happy to...Please, please, please... "Now you sound like Jesus. You have judged well. You have judged them worthy of love even if it costs you everything." (awesome allusion to what Jesus did.)
"You demanded your independence, and now you are angry with the one who loved you enough to give it to you."
I need help.
I can't do it alone.
Judgment is not about destruction, but setting things right.
He wondered who he would be now that he was letting all that go. (I wondered that as well.)
"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets," Jesus explained. "The truth is they are more shadow than reality, or they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are." "Why do we keep all that crap inside?" "Because we believe it's safe there. You grow up on the outside, but on the inside, you're still that kid in the dark cave surrounded by monsters."
"In your pain, you assume the worst of Me."
Pearls (pearly gates). The only precious stone made by pain, suffering and finally--death.
"My church is all about people and life is all about relationships."
"When you start to sink, let me rescue you."
Mack was thinking of friends, church people who had expressed love to him and his family. He knew they loved Jesus, but were sold out to religious activity and patriotism. (Hmmmm....)
"Most roads don't lead anywhere. I will travel any road to find you."
Just because God works incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies, doesn't mean he orchestrates the tragedies.
Grace does not depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.
Jesus came to show who He is and most folks only believe it about Him. (and not God, the Father)
It is not the nature of love to force a relationship, but it is the nature of love to open the way.
Faith does not grow in a house of certainty.
"You will begin to better recognize my voice as we grow our relationship."
Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. (Paradigms = what you believe)
Just because you believe something firmly, does not make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe.
"You will see me in the Bible in different ways. Look for relationship--a way of coming to be with us."
You won't find the word "responsibility" in the scriptures. It is full of law and fear and judgment. The "ability to respond" is alive and dynamic--full of life and possibility . The same is true of expectancy. When loved ones are apart, there is an expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking.
God had no expectations of us. Why would He if he already knows what we will do? This also means He will never be disappointed in us.
He doesn't want to be at the top of a list of priorities; He wants to be the center of everything in our lives--family, friends, occupations, thoughts, and activities.
God could prevent suffering by 1) not having created at all or 2)actively interfering in our circumstances. The first is not an options and the second is not done for reasons we may not understand.
For us to forgive someone is for us to release them to God and allow Him to redeem them.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting, nor does it create a relationship.
Because of Jesus, there is now no law demanding God bring our sins back to mind.
On the way homefrom work, we continued on a conversation we had had Friday. Again, I found out more things about Gil I had not even imagined. I don't think I'd ever seen him in dress clothes before since he is the hilo driver at work, but he says he was very upset with himself for taking this job for a long time. He had hardly ever had a job where he wasn't in management making a more decent amount of money. His wife had an even better job than he. To make a long story short and to not get into too many of the particulars, he says the only way to make peace with yourself is to, in essence, separate yourself from this world. He says chasing the almighty dollar in any way is just an endless cycle that will never be attained. He believes all the answers are in the bible.
It was not your normal mano a mano conversation, but I don't think Gil is your "normal" guy from what I can tell. What is most interesting is that I brought up the topic of religion earlier last week. I'm not sure how exactly to evangelize, but I like to throw a little something out there and see if it strikes up any conversation. If the subject is quickly changed, I let it go. Gil grabbed on like a vice and, so far, hasn't let go. I am the one being evangelized to now though, not him. Sure, I've stated my beliefs in basic terms so that he knows where I stand, but he is more educated on the subject. I've learned that being a bible-educated person is not enough, but Gil has let it sink down deep into his character. From the way he talks about his past and present, he is a changed man. It is evident on a daily basis. There are a few Christians where I work and they all seem to be humble, patient people: two characteristics that I find very important for Christians or anyone. I'd say I'm in a better place in each of those characteristics than in months or years past, but I have not attained the level I see in these people.
I've stopped to think about all the religious conversations I've had with people in the past few months. I find myself ranking them in order of how it affected me. lol. I can't do that though. I believe everything happens for a reason, so each one of these people were placed in my path so that I may better develop my personal relationship with God. I am also the person placed in their path as well and all the joy and happiness and love we all feel is because of Him. That's good to know and as far as my relationship with Him goes, God and I are pretty good pals. I know He'd die for me, but would I die for Him if it came down to that situation? I'm not exactly sure what I mean by that, but I'd like to say I would.
Most everyone enjoys some sort of attention, and I know each of my kids do. I would like to say that that is not the only reason Gabrielle jumped on my lap with her Awana's Sparks book in her hand. She enjoys the praise she gets from everyone when she memorizes verses from the bible, but I believe some of the words are comforting to her as well. She enjoys Awana's and knowing some verses when it's time to go over them helps her tremendously. It's helping me, too. I would not yet know of many of these verses if i didn't go over them repeatedly with her. Now that I go over them with her, I don't ask her to memorize a ton of them for more recognition, but I do think it's important she knows what they mean. I asked a couple children if they knew what the verses meant that they were reciting to me, and they had no clue. Understandably so, but I didn't see the point in memorizing them if that were true. On the other hand, memorizing the verses was at least planting a seed that they could come back to later and possibly watch it grow. Each one of those verses may stick with them especially when they review the book after they finish it. Sometime in the years ahead they may come upon the same verse and now have a better understanding of them.
I started and finished my bible study homework today. There's a certain rush that I feel doing the homework. It's probably almost the same rush anyone gets when studying something and knowing they are gaining knowledge. I also feel like I'm being pushed along a little. God knows what's going to happen and when it's going to happen, but I feel He is letting me use my free will and the mind he has given me to figure things out for myself.
I'm not sure what happened to my link list. I must've deleted it accidentally. It's back with an addition. Earlier this summer, Pastor Don and Todd Gillert did sermons on the "fruit of the spirit". I enjoyed them all and wrote most of them down word-for-word. Maybe it was the change of pace and the topic at hand that many of us struggle with, I really enjoyed Todd's sermon on patience. So far that is the only sermon I have there. They're very good sermons and if you would rather just listen to them (or do both at the same time) you could just go to the Oakwood Community Church site and click on the link that says "Sermons".
Kim and I looked for a new vehicle today. We picked out a van, but we're still looking. Later, we picked up the kids and went to Great Lakes Crossing. We spent some money we didn't need to spend, but had fun. I haven't felt inspired to write a lot lately, but we've had good days for the most part.
Quiet day today. I read the chapters we were supposed to read for our assignment again. I'm going to read them a couple more times before I write anything down. Both the kids had a friend ask them to stay the night and Kim went out, so Noah and I spent some time together with his blocks, his train set and a walk to the Chocolate Milk Store.
I was asked today to help with the video work at the church once a month. I'm looking forward to learning about it. Who would've thought five months ago what God had in store for me? His impact on my life has been tremendous and I can only hope that there is more to do that will bring Him glory.
Awana's night was great and the bible study was insightful. Praise God.
Interesting morning. I've been riding with a friend of mine to work to save on gas and miles on my car (more on him later). I got up a little late this morning, so I had to drive myself in. He goes in a hour earlier than I have to get there, so I was in no hurry, but I still managed to leave my wallet at home. About a mile or so from my house, I wonder if I should go grab it since I am low on gas (little did I know, I had a $20 bill in my pocket after planning to use it to get Colton something to drink). I have plenty of time. On the other hand, I should have enough gas to get to work and back. On the other hand, I really should have my wallet with me. Not too far ahead people are going into the other lane to make sure they go around a truck with it's hazards on not too far in front of me. I do the same, but as I pass, I look over at him. It's still very dark, and he doesnt' have his headlights on, but I can make out a man holding some jumper cables. I continue down the road, but decide to turn around at the next intersection. As I pass him again, he's still standing in the same spot holding those jumper cables. I turn around again at the next intersection. This time as I pass there's no one behind me, so I roll down my window and see if he needs help. He said he could really use a jump. I turn my car around again and set out to try. Turns out he had run out of gas, gotten the gas, filled his car up, and then his car still wouldn't start. The jump wouldn't work. He asked if I had a cell phone and then mentioned he only lived a mile and a half away. I look at the time and it's only 5:30. I'd normally be getting to work with Gil at that time, but I don't have to be in till 6:30. Disregarding my hitch-hiker-phobia where the possibility arrises in my head where he pulls out a crow bar, knocks me unconsious and steals my money and wallet, I ask him where he lives. He lives at the end of Carpenter Road. I ask if he wants a ride, he likes that idea, so he jumps in my car. I take him home, he tells me how much he really appreciates it and tells me "Have a good day." I was pretty close to my house after coming back to the intersection, so I went home, got my wallet and got some expensive gas before heading to work.
I realized 3/4 of the way through that story how boring it must be to read if you're not me. Good thing I'm not a novelist. I dont' think that story would sell.
Anyway, I wonder if I would've stopped to help him if God hadn't come into my life like He has. I haven't stopped and given someone a ride in years. The closest I'd come to helping out a total stranger was digging someone out of the snow after I'd been shoveling some snow outside, noticed a tractor going down the road pushing the snow away from the road and seeing someone get stuck on the side of the road. I walked down the road and started digging. After some digging and some pushing, the car wouldn't move. While we pushed, the driver of the car called a loved one and told them she didn't think we were going to get the car out and she would need some help. I continued to dig out the back wheels of car disregarding the tightening of my lower back muscles. We tried again and the car moved out of the ditch with almost no resistance. They thanked me and I walked back home. I felt pretty good about myself. The people she was with were in a truck driving in front of her and as they passed by the house, they waved. She did not even look in my direction. She was probably worried about sliding off the road again.
This time, there was no feeling pretty good about myself. I was compelled to help out, I helped, and that was it. I wonder in almost anything though, how something so seemingly insignificant fits in God's plan. Were things configured just so, so that I would be able to use my free will and decide whether I would give a stranger a ride under the darkness of early morning? I don't know, but that's just how my mind works.
I think about Traci....(not sure of her last name) every time I hear "At the Cross" which is once or twice a day. It's a positive in my day, as all the songs are. My mind goes to her singing her heart out, hands raised and eyes closed. Her sister is doing the same doing that small dance she does on stage. Jerry does the same or has both hands on the microphone or has a hand in the air as well.
Now I think about how it looked like he was looking right at me as we sang last Sunday. I'd forgotten about that. It is insignificant now, but then, as I tried to hold it all together while singing You are Holy, it seemed as if he was staring into my soul (not really, but that's the best wording I can think of).
It's times like this I wonder again about putting my thoughts online. Jen and a couple others had called my blog "inspiring", but I can't say that it is. It's a way to help me remember the positive things of my day, but to put some of my intermost thoughts where people that I know can read them doesn't feel right sometimes. I know there are some people that will say what's on their mind no matter what it is or how irrelavent it is to the conversation. That's what this feels like once in a while. On the other hand, if they're not interested in reading these thoughts, then they won't. If they had a problem, I'd hope they'd bring it up. Just don't think I'm crazy. Just consider me happy.
Colton's team won another football game yesterday. They were undefeated and so was Chatfield, but they managed to beat them in overtime. I wonder if Chatfield is as good as Jen claims it to be.
So, back to Gil, we've had interesting discussions on the way home from work. He believes we're in sort of a snow globe where there is our solar system and that's it. The rest is nothingness. We'll never get outside of it, so why would God feel it necessary to put anything else out there. We're not spinning around at 86,000 mph as so many believe. Neither is the moon. Somehow this is proven by the fact we see the same side of the moon no matter what and the same constellations have been in the same place since the beginning of time. I don't think that's correct, but I do not disregard his theory. Sure it's possible, and it doesn't matter if it's true or not. Sort of like my view of the DaVinci Code and the Holy Grail.
We talked about those two things during another conversation. He asked me what I thought the Holy Grail was. I pretty much told him it doesn't matter what it is. What's the big deal about finding it? If you find it, you prove Jesus was real? Well, most of the world already knows that. I told for all I know, he used a Dixie Cup. It's not about the cup, it's about Him and His body and His blood and His Life. I have the same thoughts about the DaVinci Code. I agreed that even if it was true, it's possible God didn't put it in the Bible because not everything God knows is in there, but it is all extrememely unlikely that Jesus was married and fathered a son. Let me rephrase that: Jesus did not get married and father a son. It didn't happen. It's a book of fiction. It's based on what some people consider real facts or a real group, but I compared it to "A Beautiful Mind". It's a great movie with Russell Crowe as a schizophrenic man who wins a Nobel Prize. He could find patterns in everything. Newspaper articles, magazines, and maps all had an interlocking meaning that proved his conspiracy theories. If you look hard enough, you can find connections between anything. Someone did that with the DaVinci code or simply made much of it up.
Gil did not have it easy growing up. I'm not going to go over any of it here, but I know my childhood wasn't the greatest either, but I do not envy him. I envy him a little now, simply because of the patience and kindness he displays. He was not always as patient and kind, but especially since having a grandson, that has changed.
He said he has read the Bible and believes every word of it. That's wonderful to know. Hopefully someday I can say the same.
I got an e-mail from a friend (aquaintence?) that takes the bible-study class we're taking. It was humorous, thought provoking and complimentary. We both agree the class is enjoyable and we look forward to the remaining classes.
I'm sure there will be more to write about, but for now, this is good enough. What? You want some more rambling? O.K.
As I wrote "good enough" above, Barlow Girl sang "My God's enough...for me". Eerie coincidence? Uh...no. Just a small one and some truth to think about.
I'm done now and one of my fingers in tingling. I should have that checked out.
I don't think I read the Bible yesterday. Guess I got to start that one over. I'll had a third counter to the title.
Ok. That's it.
...
I'm back. I enjoy going to the Art Off the Grid site I added to the new bloglist. A few days ago, he had a link to a blog of a friend of his. On that blog, his friend has a video of himself shot by another friend. While I've never had a problem with drug use and alcoholism, I identify with the dark place he was at at one time and his thoughts on being positive. I can't tell at the end whether he believes in God or not, but I also like his thoughts on faith.
Parental discretion advised for talk of drug use, a small dose of vulgar language and chain-smoking.
I don't know if I still have the strength to get up again I don't know if I can face my own reflection Jesus, take this heart that feels so cold again, and make it new
I hold this hope inside that you'll never leave me
When all around me starts to fall, and when my faith it seems so small Even in my darkest hour, I will believe Even if the sun begins to fall, even when I feel nothing at all Even if I'm all alone, I will believe
I don't know how I could turn my back and walk away All I really want is for your love to hold me Jesus, take this heart and make it whole again
I know you'll never leave me
Those are the lyrics to the song I added today. We all have days like this. Our faith doesn't seem as strong as usual and we don't know where our strength is going to come from. I've felt like that, but I know that as long as I believe, I will have better days. I also have days where my faith is so intense, I feel it wants to just explode out of me. That usually happens on Sundays. I try not confuse emotion with my faith, but just to see others praise Him, pray to Him, talk to Him, intently listen to a message about Him, confess to Him and thank Him is a beautiful thing. It's almost as if I somehow consume the faith of all those around me while they hold on to it as well.
I played Believe a couple times as I wrote this. Now, At the Cross is playing. I had actually started a blog about that song last week. I found it while looking for another song. As soon as I heard this one, though, I thought of, of course, Tracy. She's been blessed with a wonderful voice and I think she could sing better than the lead singer of Hillsong.
Colton joined in with me doing some pants painting tonight. We have to wear Awana's colors tomorrow night, so I thought we find some old pants and paint them. Hopefully Gabrielle gets a chance to make some tomorrow.
As I sit back, thinking what to write, I can see the full moon through the window. I was thinking about the moon earlier today as I read Genesis. I read about God putting two lights in the sky: one for the day and one for the night. I thought "The moon isn't a light." It's light comes from the other light. I'm not so much snagged on the particulars; I just wonder what exactly was meant when that was written. The Day 2 is for dedication and discipline. Along with trying to create a blog every day, I'd like to do other things as well, including reading the bible. I hope that and other things go well. I want to be me, but I want to be a better me. God, wife and kids will do that for you.
Gabrielle layed in my lap today. That's always sweet how she gets on my lap and curls up. We had some Christian music blaring and Gabrielle, Kim and I were singing to it (kinda low, like we weren't sure of the words) while Colton acted like a goofball to get Noah to giggle almost uncontrollably. It was some nice family time as we had just finished up an American meal of tacos and mac and cheese.
I thought on the way home of how Kim and I are soooooo lucky to still both have jobs. The economy is getting pretty bad and I listened on the radio as they talked about how it probably wouldn't get any better until our housing problem hits rock bottom and prices stabilize. Thank you, Lord for enabling us to have jobs and not have our house destroyed by hurricanes as so many others have. If you're reading this, please take a moment and pray for those people that have lost loved ones or anything else during these last couple storms. Pray for the people at church that have people close to them that have been in bad car accidents, had heart problems, lost a loved one in Iraq, have a baby with leukemia or any of the many others that have cancer or are in harms' way. If you get a second, pray for me too. I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
ARGHHHH. I'm annoyed I'm not updating this often enough. Every day has several positive moments throughout my day, but some days I just don't feel like logging them. Well, I need to do it anyway. I need to be more disciplined. Not just with blogging but with the more important things in my life. I'll start with the blog though. I want to see how long I can post something at least once a day. I need to make time for it and other things in my life. I need to push through that mental block that says "Nah, I don't feel like it today. I'll do it tomorrow." That has to stop and it will. For how long? I don't know. Lets see...
I had actually posted a couple of days ago, but deleted it. It concerns a poem I had written and some poems I had seen that I liked. The link is still up in my profile, but I'm not sure how many people I want reading my poetry.
Sundays are always awesome. Pastor Don talked about some good things that had happened to some people in our congregation and also some bad. I praise God for everything. Then the Maddocks came out again after missing last week. Angela had some good things to say, and then we sang. Tracy again sounded beautiful. I just can't help getting choked up by the beautifulness of it all. Not just her, but everyone. Everyone just seems to be in a different place. Tracy just looks like she's in a different "zone" and I look at the others on the stage and they look the same. The drummer looks to really enjoy what he's doing back there and he is what gets me choked up once in a while. It's just awesome to see someone getting so much enjoyment out of what they're doing.
You are Holy (Prince of Peace) is a wonderful song. It's my favorite song to stop singing and just take it all in. The women singing in unison one part of the song, the men singing another and then joining in again at the end of the chorus. On top of that, Tracy's voice is usually does a solo or two. I look around and I seen teens with their hands in the air and their eyes closed. I see Mrs. Kirkland with her index finger pointing towards heaven and moving to the music. I see Scott's replacement playing the guitar really emphasizing certain parts of the song. I see the drummer with his hands all over the place at once and singing with all of his heart at the same time. I see Kim standing next to me singing separately from me, but together as well. It's just great.
I shook a few hands and said hi to some people after the sermon. I'm not good at chatter, but it's great to see so many smiles. I got home in time to see the Lions get down 21-0 for the second straight week. I'm not emotionally invested in them at all anymore, so that's cool. We went to Brianna's party afterward. We got there late, but I enjoyed my time over there. Everyone involved is raising a very beautiful young woman. Whenever I see her, she seems to be happy and playful. The same goes for Allison.
Program Alert: The Tiger game just switched over to Carlos Zambrano of the Cubs attempting to finish off a no-hitter. He got the last three outs to become the first Cub to do so since the year I was born. Pretty cool to be able to see that. He got on his knees and pointed to the sky with both hands. Awesome.
Allison made her cheerleading squad. She had told me she was pretty confident she was going to make the team. I'm happy to see she has that confidence. The food was good. Tanya said she made it all. It was all really good.
We came home soon after. The kids drew me some great pictures while I played train with Noah. Later on, they helped me clean up the house while Kim went to the store. We watched most of Nim's Island before the kids went to bed. I really enjoy listening to the prayers of all of us, including me. I never know what I'm going to say and just leave it up to God. Sort of what Angela had done earlier in the day. She gave everyone a good laugh. "What do you want me to say, God?", she says. "Well, He didn't answer me." LOL
Colton's prayer was especially beautiful to me. He thanked God for everything he has bringing up examples like his family and his dog and his hamster. He prayed for people not as lucky as we are and prayed God would help them. About every other day, I find myself smiling and nodding my head as Kim, Gabby or Colton prays. They say something or many somethings that really mean a lot to me and will hopefully mean a lot to others. It really helps me realize God is so good. Thank you, Lord.
I'd thought about ending this blog and starting it somewhere where no one could read it. I've seen many family oriented blogs that seem to be there to keep others informed of the family. Mine is sometimes used for that purpose, but that is not the main purpose. Sometimes i wonder who reads it except for the obvious and if I've ever said anything that could be taken the wrong way. Sometimes I wonder what Dennis or Jennifer or Kim or Adam might think of something I write, and even most of what I write is positive, those thoughts can make the writing a little limited. I'm not ready to do that yet though. If someone wants to read my sometimes mundane thoughts, that's fine with me. Keep in mind, though, that I feel this is all inspired by God and done to exclaim his glory for all the good in the world and i do my best to disregard the bad. If my thoughts seem odd or misdirected, feel free to let me know what you think. Thank you and God bless you all.
Monday was Scott's surprise birthday party. He seemed genuinely surprised, but didn't get overly excited at all. That's not his style. He spent most of his time chatting with his brother or Mom and Dad. I like seeing that side of him. He enjoys talking about the car he's working on or just about anything else. Sometimes I see him as someone who is easily angered and may raise his voice at the drop of a hat (see Day 1). I used to be that way. I still am in some ways, but I've gotten better. Overall, it was a fun time. I'm glad he enjoyed it.
Tuesday it was back to work.
Hmmm.
I'm not even sure why I wrote that. :)
Moving on, Wednesday was the leaders meeting for Awana's and yet another reason for me to give glory to God and thank Him for taking me down this path. It also turned out to be a reason for me to wonder if I've gotten off the path or if I'm walking down it blindly. I got in my car and the radio personality immediately mentioned how she hoped that some of us were on our way to church. Well, yes, many of us are actually. Thank you for thinking of us. I either wasn't into the music on the Christian radio stations or they were talking or playing commercials, so I turned it to 105.5. They began playing Creed's song "Higher". Some say it's about Heaven and others say it's simply about dreaming, but either way, it was an invigorating song to listen to at that time.
I thought of the sermon I had listened to the day before. The pastor said that is was very difficult to steer a car if you didn't start driving. He was telling his congregation and anyone else listening to get going in one way or another. Get out there and do something. It was almost the same thing pastor don had preached a few days before. I got to the meeting early and was feeling pretty good. Then we had the meeting discussing the amount of kids in each group, what time we needed to be there, and some basic instruction on what to do. Laura also reminded us to remember that what we are doing was for God and not for our recognition. When we were done, I was sort of disappointed I had no questions for Brenda, so while she talked to Dennis, I left. I wasn't feeling as good walking out as I did walking in. The ominous thunder roar as soon as I stepped out side didn't help. Neither did the preacher I listened to on the way home reminding his congregation to make sure that that were doing the work of the Lord, because there are some people out there that believe they are, but are actually doing the work of the devil. I feel like I'm walking blindly into the Awana's class, but it'll be fun. Gabrielle and I are looking forward to it.
Thursday was the Bible Study study. It was very informative, and Kim and I are looking forward to going again. Sunday was the start of the football season. I only got to watch the 1 o'clock games, because almost as soon as they were over, I had to take Allison to the Soul Fire meeting. I had originally wanted to go to see how Dennis works with the kids, but he just uses his charisma, which I lack to the extent he has it. The food fight was fun to watch and Allison got extremely messy. She said she'd do it again, but would bring an extra set of clothes next time.
Dear Mr. Rodela
Dennis said something to start his small sermon that Jim had told me in the last few days (which seemed odd). I'll repeat it here.
1. There is a God. (I believe that with all my heart) 2. He's not me. 3. He's not you.
Chew on that one a while and I'll talk to you tomorrow, Mark.
Alexandra's 3rd Birthday!
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Our baby girl is 3! Happy Birthday Alexandra!
She celebrated with a "Strawberry Shortcake Birthday".
Her centerpiece was a hand drawn picture of Strawberry
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