The End

It's difficult to not notice the positive anymore. Kim is enjoying this new life as well. The bible study is taking up much of her time, but she enjoys it. I see her trying to apply lessons we learn from church, class and the Bible. I see more smiles on my daughter's face. She is a very kind, sweet little girl. I see Colton put the energy he has always had into activities like Awana. He was part of the Sarah-created pandemonium, and then was pumping his fists vigorously into the air during the second song and praising with all his might. I hope Noah is able to appreciate his family. The old family, while usually having good intentions, was not a Christ worshiping, God fearing, saved by the grace of God family.

I can see the positivity outside my house as well. Dennis and Jennifer have been instrumental in my family's path. They both have admirable qualities that I would like to replicate in myself. I've recently been able to see the sense of humor of people I may not have seen before. Michelle's facebook replies have been some of the funniest I've seen. I mentioned it to her at Awana and we had a good laugh. Wendy and Richard could be a stand-up comedic team in Wyoming somewhere. I believe we're penciled in sometime in March or April for some game time. They're both great fun to talk to and were obviously made for each other. We'll be going over the Priest's house in a few weeks and that could potentially start Colton's drumming career :). Church is great, Awana is wonderful and we'll be venturing out on a new branch tonight with our new small group. Fran and Jerry will be wonderful people to get to know as will the others in the group.

I don't need this blog anymore to notice the positive. I don't dwell on the negative as much. He has changed me. Through the Holy Spirit and through many Christians I've met, our life has changed. While I probably will come back to this blog occasionally to write, I'm going to create another. I need to learn more. I need to take more advantage of this time and read more. I need to talk more and I will find a way to volunteer my time more. That's what the new blog will be about. Each day I write, I will add what I have learned that day. I don't even know what that means yet, but we'll see.

God is Good.

Intensity--Day 265

Something happened yesterday. I attribute it to the list below:

1. I believe in God.

2. I am overly emotional.

3. I am overly sensitive.

I'm not sure if that is the correct order, but it's close. I had told Kim on the way to church that last week I hadn't felt "connected" to the music like I usually did. I felt the congregation was unusually quiet. Later on, I read that someone else had had difficulty focusing. I thought that may have my problem, and it may have been. If I would've thought about it, I would've been more determined to be more focused. That was not my determination, though. It was praise Him and learn more life lessons I can apply. I, and many others as a matter of fact, felt I got something more tangible from the Sunday school class. There are ways to get to the root of our children's problems than talking and discipline. Sometimes, it needs to be more of a two-way street, rather than my way "cause I said so." Sometimes, they have valid problems we need to make sure we do not merely push aside because we believe them to be trivial. I enjoyed the video and listening to the discussion afterward.

After the announcements, and after the kids had gone to Sonshine park, it was praise and worship time. I immediately connected with the first song. The praise of the congregation seemed tenfold from last week. It helped having Roger directly behind me. There was no mistaking his voice or his praise. A tear rushed from my eye to my chin in seconds. It was unexpected as was tear that fell from the other eye. As I stopped singing to listen to the congregation for a bit, I felt barraged by markings of His beauty around me. Aside from being a guy crying in public, it was great. The tears did not last through the whole worship time, but the emotion and connection did.

The message of Christian maturity was helpful. It's been nine months since I finally started figuring things out. It's good to know there's been people that took over five years in Corinth. There are most likely people that have stagnated in their spiritual walk at my church. I pray they heard the message as well and understand how important it is to continue to attempt to be more like Him.

We prayed when the sermon was over. I closed my eyes, began to pray, and the tears came back. We ate the bread, prayed again, and the tears came back. I should mention that in all cases, I felt they were tears of joy. That didn't make them any more unexpected though.

The service was over. I felt energized. I felt awkward, but happy.

I saw someone I felt had contributed the energizing and happiness and thanked them. I would have to assume they had more important things to do or had nothing to say or felt awkward themselves, since they seemed to act as if they couldn't care less. That, as well, was unexpected. I felt deflated. How do I let that happen? That, not the two hours before that, is what sticks with me a day later.

Later that night, I went to a friends to watch the Super Bowl. Colton had a friend over, and Gabrielle had nothing to do, so she went with me. I wasn't sure she'd have anything to do, but there were other children her age there, albeit all boys. She played for a bit, but spent much of the time cuddled up against me. I was glad she went. Jason had the 3-d glasses I didn't even know about to watch a couple commercials. She really enjoyed that as well. I got to see some old friends, and had a good time. More importantly I think, Gabrielle did as well.

God is Good.