Colton's answer, Jesus's answer--Day 50

Kids. You never know how they're going to comment on something, or how they'll understand what you're saying or what they're going to ask. Colton asked me an interesting question today while we alone in the car together. He said "Dad, if you could choose a job for me when I get older, what would it be?" I'm not sure how I got to the answer I did, but I think it was along the lines of him being financially secure, enjoying what he did and I guess just playing a game for a living, rather the rat race that seems to encompass the rest of America. I told him a professional baseball player. I thought about that later, and there are many potentially bad parts of that profession, but that was the answer I gave him. I wanted to just tell him that I wanted him to be whatever he felt the passion to do, and I would have been being honest, but I felt he wanted an answer rather that some sort of cop out. He didn't have much to say about that so I asked him the same. I'm not sure that if he would've asked me to guess, his answer would have been in one of my first 10 guesses. Maybe not even the first 20.

"A pastor.", he answered.

I wish I would've talked to him more about that, but I didn't. I am glad that I've had that affect on him in the last couple of months. Praise God. I wonder if he had already come up with that answer before he even asked me his question, but I can't be sure. I'd actually thought about that in the last month or so. I'd love to be able to spread God's word in that manner.

He may have been leaning that way because we went to church today for the first time in a couple of weeks. We missed last week because of his tournament, but I was not going to miss another week. Kim and I had a plan that I would take him Saturday and she would take him Sunday. Fortunately, his game was not till 2:00 which gave us plenty of time to get there after church.

It's so easy to notice the little positive things at church. Like a dad holding his sons arms and "making" him clap during the music. Like Colton grabbing my arm and putting it around his shoulder. Like how the man in front of us was moved to sing the chorus of one of the songs while the rest of the congregation sang the rest of the song. Like the two young girls that look lost as they looked for the rest of the kids went to and then noticing they had figured it out. I'm glad we went. We all enjoyed ourselves.

I wish we could have gone to the baptisms, but we had to take Colton to his game. Some of the baptisms seem to be in preparation to become members of the church. Pastor Don said they would be doing a members ceremony in a couple of weeks. I'm interested in joining and didn't know what that would encompass, so I asked Pastor Bob what I needed to do. The first thing he asked was whether I had been baptized. Believing he most likely meant by the Oakwood church and not wanting to hold up anyone who wanted to talk to Pastor Bob, I told him no. He said I needed to before I became a member, so I left it at that. I was baptized when I was 11 or 12 though, so I asked Pastor Don as he walked by later. He said it did not have to be by that church. I said I also had to believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and I had to be interviewed. He said he would call this week. I'm looking forward to that. I gave him Kim's name as well, but I asked her and she has not been baptized. I asked if I should wait for her and the kids, and she didn't think it was necessary. I'm not so sure. God will give me the answer soon. I know it. Thank you, Jesus.

Jennifer's prayer and Jim's story--Day 46

We had an internal quality audit at work today and I was prepared and we did well except for a few minor things. That's always a good thing. Later, I got out of work a couple of hours early. That's always a good thing too. I went to pick up some McDonald's for Kim, Mary, Jen and the kids and then headed to the rummage sale. There wasn't much heavy lifting to do there or anything, but I was able to help out by putting together a swing I had found and then grabbing the pizza that had been ordered. It was good to see all the young people there helping out. Kim found a rug she wanted and hopefully will be able to get it today. Dennis and Jennifer were firmly in charge, although Jennifer looked exhausted. Dennis had looked exhausted at the birthday party the night before. It looked like one had been able to get some sleep and the other hadn't. You're never too tired to pray though, and the prayer Jennifer prayed before we left was heartwarming and both Kim and I would touch on it as we prayed with the kids before bed.

I planned on going out and playing some poker with a couple friends, and was able to get some playtime in with Noah before I left. That was fun. Colton had some questions about making video games when he got older and I told him you had to be able to draw or program really well. I asked him to draw me something and give it to me when I got home. I wanted him to pick something out around the house to draw and try to draw it, but never said so. Surprisingly, he did anyway. He drew the our lamp, the table it's under and the surrounding area. He made an attempt to draw each three dimensionally and did a good job. He was happy to hear me tell him so and even more so when I told him he has the skills to be a video game artist if that's what he wanted. It would take a lot of work, but I hope Gabrielle, Colton and eventually Noah take us seriously when we tell them things like this. They each have so many hidden talents, are very smart and could do whatever they wanted.

I did surprisingly well at the poker tournament and ended up getting 8th out of around 70 people. That was good for $50 bucks or twice the buy-in. I didn't have to pay the buy-in cause one of my buddies owes me some money. I asked Kim to buy the rug she wanted at the rummage sale, get a toy for Gabrielle and Noah and then give the rest of the money to the church or youth group. I find it unusual that I wrestle with myself every time I am moved to do something nice like that. On one hand, I feel like, as I said, my heart is moved to do something kind. On the other hand, I feel like it will be perceived as me trying to draw attention to myself. I don't necessarily feel that I am, but I still wonder.

Fortunately, I see that others are like that a bit. Our plant superintendant got in front of his congregation on Sunday, and later wanted to make sure he wasn't given any more attention than necessary. Instead of walking around the sanctuary after mass, he stayed in his pew and prayed. He had told me an interesting story a while back and on Sunday that story came back up at his church.

He had said that at his Catholic church, there was someone at the church 24 hours a day doing one thing or another. Praying, reading, thinking or anything they wanted for an hour. Then another comes in. He had been praying to God about a time he could go, but he never felt like he had the time. One Friday evening at around 6:00, he went there to read and do some other research. He noticed that the 6:00 person had not showed up. The later it got, the more he realized they were probably not going to make it and so after he finished reading and praying, he left at 7:00 and signed his name in the book they use to keep track of the people that came at their respective times.

That Sunday was the day he donated plasma. He does it every other week and it takes a couple hours to do it. This time, for no reason he could think of besides what would happen later, the machine quit working after an hour. They unhooked him and he left. He usually attends the later morning mass at his church, but since he was done early, he went to the 8:30 mass. He enjoyed the mass and when it was over he went to talk to who I believe was the older sister of his daughter's boyfriend. They didn't know each other too well, but had seen each other a couple times and they talked for a bit. She was there as her husband watched the kids, and he would come to mass when she got home and was able to take over the babysitting duties. She hadn't been able to place his name, so before they parted, she asked. "Jim.", he said. "Jim Tingay?", she said as her eyes lit up. "Yes.", he said. She proceeded to tell him that it was her 6:00 time slot he had filled, and she was going to be unable to continue to make that time slot and asked if he could replace her. He told me in so many words, "How do you say "I can't." to an answer of a prayer from God?". You can't, so of course he said yes. Jim's eyes were red and close to tears as he told me this. I knew that the serendipity of it all had affected him deeply and I was very glad he had told me.

Later, this Sunday, he said the pastor asked what God's grace was and asked if anyone had something to share about God's grace. He was moved by the Holy Spirit to not only speak up, but to get up and walk to the microphone to tell his story. He began by telling everyone how nervous he was to be up there in front of them, but as he went on, he felt more comfortable. As I said, when he was done and had sat back down, he remained where he was and prayed. Later people came up to him to and told them how it had touched them. He said it was an answer to another prayer. A prayer that God would use him in whatever way He saw fit. He gave all the glory to God, and hopes that God continues to use him in the future.

Later this night, we prayed as we do before the kids go to bed. We all gather around one bed or another, and either Gabrielle or Colton starts us off. Of the many things Colton thanked God for was his "WONDERFUL family." That brought a small, heartwarming smile to my face. Gabrielle used "AWESOME family." That was great as well. Her prayer tonight was unusually long and I found it wonderful and awesome that she was moved to do so much prayer. Kim prayed for much of the same and her new job and brought Jennifer's prayer up and recanted much of the same things Jen had mentioned. When it was my turn, I was about to do the same, but for some reason stopped. There was a long pause as I waited for something to come, and eventually I prayed for our family first. Then I was moved to say how we looked forward to seeing how God's plan was going to be put into place tomorrow at the rummage sale. We look forward to seeing so many people doing so much good and spreading God's word.

Amen.

Baseball and Birthdays--Days 41, 42, 43, 44, and 45

On Friday, Colton and I made preparations to go to our first baseball tournament in Dewitt. I got him a new helmet, batting gloves and a new mitt. We packed everything that night so our early morning on Saturday would be as easy as possible.

Saturday morning, I got up, and Colton soon followed after his alarm woke him up. We made sure we had everything again, kissed Kim, Gabrielle and Noah goodbye, and managed to leave fairly early. The team all met at Bob Evans, we had breakfast and headed to Dewitt soon after. Once we got there we were able to practice a bit before playing our first game. Colton had been told during breakfast that he would be the first pitcher of the first game. We ended up losing that game 7-5, but Colton gave up no runs. He was pitching very well, the team came up with 5 runs early, but they couldn't hold them off the whole game.

In the second game, the hitting was much more consistant and they brought Colton in for the last out with the team up 12 to 5. No problem, right? Well, considering that when Colton wasn't pitching, he was at third on this hot muggy day, he was obviously very tired. After giving up a few runs, continuing to load the bases, and then getting down 2 balls and one strike to another batter, I told the coach he was tired, and he should pull him if he could. The next pitcher let in a a couple more runs.

The dads, myself included, were all pacing hoping for one last out and a win. I decided maybe I'd call Kim, tell her what's going on, and possibly make light of the situation a bit. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and right along with it came the small necklace Colton had given me before the game after his coach said he couldn't wear them. On the end of it is a wooden shaped fish with the name Jesus on it. It stopped me in my tracks, literally. I said a little prayer, and I knew the next batter would be out. I'm not sure why. It's not as if God loves one team more than the other, but I knew the the team would get through this and pull out this win. Within two pitches the game was over.

We all breathed a sigh of relief and went back to the hotel for a dip in the pool. It was fun, but I think it exhausted everyone the next day...

On Sunday, we got to the field a little before 10:00. We practiced for about an hour and then started over to the field. Realizing earlier I was missing church, I asked Colton to come over to me. I asked him to get down on a knee and pray with me. He did out loud, and then I did. I wonder if he had any hesitations in doing it right off of the practice area and as many kids and parents were passing us, but he didn't act like it.

In the next game, they gave up a bunch of runs early and couldn't come back. Calvin was second to pitch. His dad was a thin man. He looked like a Nascar-lovin', deer-huntin', chew-spittin, redneck sort of guy. He had one of those laughs that makes you think he's less than intelligent. Whether any of the above was true or not, he seemed like a very loving dad. While I heard one dad tell his son he was going to "beat his ***" repeatedly for misbehaving earlier, this guy talked to his son like he wouldn't lay a hand on him if his life depended on it. That was nice to see and as I sat on the bench for a bit, I noticed this man pacing behind me as his son warmed up to pitch, so I got up and asked him a question I already knew the answer to: "So you get nervous when your son gets out there to pitch?" He laughed, said "Yeah", and we started talking for a bit. Six outs later, it was Colton's turn to pitch and he came to me and said essentially exactly what I was about to say to him: "Now it's your turn to be nervous!". That got a good laugh out of everyone who heard him and it was true. He pitched well for the first few outs and that same dad (I'm horrible with names) came over to me and said my son was a good pitcher. He pitched well for his last few outs again letting in no runs the whole time and one of the dad's (Randy) mentioned how unfortunate it was to have to take him out (6 out limit). Another dad, later on wondered aloud to me why he didn't start that game since he was the best pitcher. That got me to wonder how much pride I take in Colton pitching so well.

I'm not sure.

I try not to be prideful in situations like this, but, again, give glory to God. On the other hand, I am very proud of Colton. As easy as it sound for us parents standing on the sideline, it seems like it'd be rather difficult to always "keep your pitches low" or "throw strikes" or remember to do all the little parts of your mechanics in front of a crowd and literally setting the pace of the game. He is the only one with a ball in his hand and how well he pitches many times has a direct effect on how well the team does.

I called home in between games, updated Kim and told Gabrielle happy birthday. Everyone looked dead tired by the second game, the game was called on account of the 15 run mercy rule and we headed home. We got Gabrielle some cards and some planted flowers on the way home. She seemed to like them and found a place for them up in her room. Noah seemed happy to see me and immediately wanted to go outside. Instead I had to drop Colton off at his friend's house, and take Gabrielle out to pick out a new bike for her birthday. I took him with us and while he tried to run all over the place as we chose one, we kept him in check and Gabrielle picked out a very nice one. By the time we got home, it was late, so Gabrielle went to bed, we all said our prayers and kissed good night.

Monday, Colton started his four-day baseball camp. He said he "loved it". After that, he had a game for Elba which they won. His "bubble walk" got quite a few people laughing. As ball four went by, he blew a big bubble. It popped and landed all over his chin. He was picking gum off his face all the way down to first. After the game, he went back to Noah's again and Allison came home with Gabrielle. Gabrielle is always so quiet with her friends and cousins. They sometimes play for hours and we never hear from them. I hope her imagination is growing exponentially every second she plays pretend in her room or down the stairs.

Today is Gabrielle's birthday party. It's nice to get the our families together. It's nice to see Gabrielle as the center of the attention. I've heard about many middle kids who end up getting the least amount of attention of the three kids in the house. That's going to be unlikely because she is the only girl. She got plenty of gifts. Clothes and toys and stuff to draw with and sparkly purses. A good time was had by all.

Words--Day 40

I must admit, it is an honor to be told my words are an inspiration. I try not to be prideful, but it does help my spiritual ego to be told that my words remind someone "to acknowledge the Lord's work in a sunset." It's wonderful to hear from a chaplain that my "words are very inspiring" or from a new friend that my words have "touched [their] heart". To me it really means something to have someone read a post of mine which leads them into more thoughts. Thoughts as wondrous as:

"i don't understand why the soul suddenly weeps bitter tears, but perhaps souls remember sometimes, where they come from. a place where ultimate beauty reigns."

are inspirational and thought-provoking to me as well. I don't know if it's true or not, but to have helped that thought along is great. To be told that

"I can say that you have moved my heart and inspired me in a way that no one else has outside of Christ himself."

is awesome. I can't help, being who I am, but wonder of the hyperbole in the statement, but just to have someone say that really means a lot to me.

To me, it means God is working through us all so that each of us can become better people, think better thoughts, go out of our way to do special things, and to just treat each of our brothers and sisters with the same kindness that we enjoy feeling ourselves. Pastor Don brought up many ways to show love and each one will move the giver and the recipient in a different way. Kind words, like those above, are signs of God's love. An earnest "How are you?" to someone who looks like they may not be doing well today is another.

I have been inspired by God through the special heart and special mind he has given me. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago, later that day enforced by Beth Moore (a coincidental experience that was awesome in itself). I felt I was brought up like I was and had the childhood I had to become the man I am today. If that hadn't caused me to be such an emotional person, I would not have been able to express myself that wondrous night exactly 2 months ago today (I just noticed that right now. Isn't that something?) I would have held back in an attempt to not get emotional. I would not have been able to feel the power of God's love to the extreme that I did. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, I didn't feel I could accurately express the beauty of that night in spoken words. I told Kim and I told Adam and I didn't get the feeling that either really knew how much that night meant to me. Hence, my first post on this blog, and the rest is two months worth of history. Pastor Don, during his sermon this last Sunday, said that each of listening could think of someone who helped our faith in Jesus Christ because someone else took time to invest in each of us. I thought of Adam and the initial conversation we had before everything on this blog started. Kim told me she thought of me. I was touched and honored. It's great to know she is neither behind be or in front of me in our walk with God.

She is right next to me.

Thank you all for your kind words and the love you have shown me by taking the time out of your day to express those words. Give glory to God for allowing you to do so as I try to do. Thank you, Jesus.

Amen

Beauty--Day 39

As I added Tarja Turunen's song "I Walk Alone" to my playlist, I thought of how the name of the song goes totally against my beliefs. With Jesus in our hearts and on our minds, we are never walking alone. I wondered if I should even add it. After the posts of the last couple of days, I started to think of other "dark" things I like. Movies, for one. Requiem for a Dream, Trainspotting, A Clockwork Orange, and Memento could all be considered darker movies than what some make like. Although I like comedy, I can only really watch Will Farrell comedies and I heard Semi-Pro was pretty bad, so I'll be staying away from that one.

Edgar Allen Poe stories and poetry is another. The Christopher Walken reading of "The Raven" has always been a favorite of mine, although I could do without the sound effects. I looked for an analysis of the poem and found it interesting. Finding http://www.poedecoder.com/essays/raven/ , I see that Poe chose Beauty to be the theme of the poem, since "Beauty is the sole legitimate province of the poem" (Poe, 1850). I would have never thought that about that poem, but eventually it becomes clearer as he goes on... Poe considered sadness to be the highest manifestation of beauty. What?? That makes no sense. I read on:

"Beauty of whatever kind in its supreme development invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears. Melancholy is thus the most legitimate of all the poetical tones" (Poe, 1850).

That's deep. And a seemingly accurate assumption to make. It seems like those tears might be tears of joy, but no, they're not. As I'm moved by Pastor Don's or Dennis' sermons or noticing something very innocent about my children or seeing someone moved to add the words in my blog to their blog as well (thanks, lila), it does not feel like joy. It feels, in a word, melancholy, yet beautiful. I think Poe is onto something there.

I had read Ravi's definition of worship from the cover of my notebook earlier in the day (and in bold type on Day 24) and I thought of that as I read of Poe's definition of the highest manifestation of beauty. I thought of all the times I have used the word beautiful or beauty on this blog. I like to use a thesaurus if I need to find a better word for my meaning or if I feel I've used a word too often. I've thought of the latter as far as beauty is concerned, but I never change it. In these 41 posts, I've used it 14 times. More than once on a couple, but that still averages out to about a third of my posts.

Speaking of beauty, I've talked about God with more people in the last few weeks than I have in the first 35 years. Now I can why some people in my past brought Him up to me. You just feel moved to do it. I feel like I have to do it. I try to do it differently with everyone in a way where they are comfortable with me bringing Him up and I've been surprised by the reactions. Most are very open to the conversation, and will continue the conversation in one direction or another. I don't know how I expect them to react, but it's been a very fruitful experience.
Thank you, Jesus.

Much Love,
Mark

Stereotypes--Day 38

While a gothic look or lifestyle may appear to be an embrace of darkness and all the negative connotations associated with darkness, I'm sure with some actual thought on the matter, I could've come up with a good answer to my written question concerning goths and what their Christian beliefs may be. I wouldn't like to be judged by my appearance or type of music I listen to or even the things that I do. I was telling Kim about a song Plumb sings (singer of "In My Arms") called "Cut". Plumb was inspired to write the song after reading a comment from a "cutter" who found Plumb's music inspirational. Even knowing what this girl did to herself shouldn't let anyone make assumptions about her. More importantly, she probably needs help in some way. I'm assuming Caleb meant those people cut themselves and not "cut their wrists" and may have had no proof they were even cutters. Either way, as far as goths are concerned, lila, the author of the thingnextdoor site, put it best:

well, yeah...goths and their beliefs.*g* I'd look at them as people who just wear black and are just like any other person. they are just like you, believe it or not.:-) the assumption that someone who wears black is automatically a satanist or atheist is simply wrong. i'd say there are as many christian goths as satanistic goths out there. and i tell you something - the really "dangerous" satanists don't wear black. they just look "normal". they are well respected members of society and they have influence. that makes them so dangerous.

don't know if it is really of interest, but i do believe in god and his angels. and i thank you for your good wishes.:-) thank you for your visit and god bless you and your family.


Very well put, lila.

Because of my interest of grammar and the written word, I noticed the almost nonexistence of capital letters in the post. E.E. Cummings comes to mind, but I'm sure I'd like to make some sort of small assumption based on this as well (purposeful breaking from the norm?, humility?), but lila really hits home how unnecessary it is to stereotype anyone for sometimes very silly reasons until you know them.

As far as yesterday is concerned, it was not a bad day, but not a particularily good one either. Colton and Gabrielle both had someone stay the night and they always enjoy that. Colton had Adam over and Gabrielle had Brianna over. I enjoy seeing Brianna and Allison come over and spend some time with Gabrielle. Being so much older does not stop them from enjoying some of the same "girly things" Gabrielle enjoys. Since they are so close in age, I am really hoping Noah develops some sort of bond with Trenton. It looks like it's starting a bit, but we shall see.

Much love,
Mark

Music--Day 37

I was browsing again and came upon this blog: http://thomp86.blogspot.com/ . It's great seeing people try to do so much good for their community and the world. I left him a comment saying so, and he left me one as well, saying my blog was inspirational. As I mentioned in so many words in my last post, I try not to take pride in compliments such as this, but rather give glory to God. Coming from a chaplain, though, that meant a lot.

I also came upon this blog : http://thingnextdoor.blogspot.com/ --a very dark and gothic site. I found it interesting for a couple reasons. For one, I saw a neighbor boy outside MC Sporting Goods yesterday waiting for his grandma to pick him up. He said she'd be by in a few minutes. After looking and finding some shoes for the kids, we left and he was still there, so we waited with him. I put Gabrielle's shoelaces in her new shoes while I waited and asked Caleb what he was up to. He told me he was there to buy some stuff for hockey. He showed me his stick, some tape and a puck. It was still early, so I asked him if he had gone to church this morning. He said no. I asked if he believed in God. He said yes. He said he knew someone down the street who probably didn't though. Colton, still so very innocent at 10 years of age, said he didn't think there was anyone who didn't believe in God. Unfortunately, I told him, there are. I asked Caleb what he meant. He said there was a very Goth boy with a Goth girlfriend down the road who like to wear dark clothes, makeup and like to cut their wrists. I hope it's not true all goths are non-believers, because there's a lot of them out there, including many musical groups, which leads me to the other reason I enjoyed the site.

I love hearing new music, whether it's a new song from an already popular artist, or new music from an artist I've never heard before. More often than not, it's a woman. Women just seem to have such a wider vocal range, whether it's Mariah Carey, Alanis Morrisette, or Tarja Turunen. I had never heard of the latter before until coming upon this site and while the video for the song is a little odd, her voice is hauntingly beautiful. I was noticing yesterday when hearing the music outside at Mom and Dad's that I hadn't listened to non-Christian music in some time. Hearing Tarja's music brought back memories of goth/alternative music I like that I had not listened to in a couple months like My Chemical Romance and 30 Seconds from Mars. My Chemical Romance actually had a concert date on the same day of the church's prayer vigil I attended (4/20/08). I relate that music to negativity now, because it probably sounds depressing to many people, and I'm doing what I can to stay away from negativity. I'm going to have to check it out again, to see what I get from it. Different people work out their problems in different ways (this blog, case-in-point), so that is their way to work through their emotional baggage and make a living doing it.

Another great female voice is Gabrielle's. I love having the kids out with us during the praise and worship time. Later on in the day, when I got a song on my mind from the morning worship, and they hear me humming or singing it, both Gabrielle and Colton starting singing along. Me: "Forever, and ever. Forever..." Them, in perfect harmony: "Forever God is faithful. Forever God is strong. Forever God is with us. Forever and ever. Forever..."

I love being able to hold Gabrielle during that time so she is better able to see the words. Although my arms are killing me and I lose feeling in my hands after a few songs, it is worth it when she faces the screen towards the back and sings the words in my ear. If the song is slow enough, I say the words before we sing them in case she can't read them. She is able to catch on to most of the chorus's though.

Later in the day, she caught on very quickly to a point I was trying to make. Max, our dog, had gotten out and we had all walked up and down the road trying to get him (It's the cutest thing seeing Noah, say "Maxie! Come here!" and then pat his knees trying to get him to come.). I went back in the house for a bit and Caleb came to the back door with the dog. He says "Is this your dog?", I thanked him and said "Yeah", and we both chuckled. I asked the kids on our way to Grandma's if they thought there was any reason Caleb had gotten our dog for us, other than he's a nice kid. Gabrielle's hand shot up. "I know, I know!!". She said it was because we had waited with him at the sports store. I told her that's what I was thinking. It's an interesting thought. I'll just praise God either way. Thank you Jesus. For everything.

Fish Lips--Day 36

I'm sure if I documented how many times the kids make me smile in a day, I'd count dozens. Noah was walking around doing the fish lips face. I'd seen it once before I think, but he was doing that while walking around the house. Kids are great. Not just mine, but all of them.

I try to remind myself that this blog isn't just for me and my state-of-mind; it's about noticing all the great little things in life I may have not noticed before without the Lord in my life. It's about noticing all the good in people rather than looking for the bad. Being

...and that's as far as I got.

It was late, and I couldn't figure out how to best put what I wanted to say, so I saved a draft and figured I would come back to it.

Fortunately for me, Pastor Don put it best today. It's about Love. Love for myself and love for others. Love for my kids and love for my wife. Love for my co-workers and love for the church congregation. Love for all the wonderful people in the world and love for my enemies. That is the state-of-mind I need to be in. If I can do that, I can keep my focus on God, who will guide me and use me as another loving person to help others.

Thank you Jesus, and thank you Pastor Don.

Much Love,
Mark

Sparrows--Day 35

Not to be negative here, but I'm not reading scripture enough and not praying enough. Finding the sparrow jpeg and adding it to this template gave me a reason to read The Bible. I'm still not sure what Matthew 10:31 means. I read one interpretation and he believed it had nothing to do with self-worth. He was not saying it to make his disciples feel better about themselves, because God cares for everyone equally no matter how they feel. Another said he felt it showed another human part of Jesus in that he had " a sense of humor". The pastor says:

It is not immediately clear what comfort we might be expected to take from this. A sparrow might not fall to the ground without the Father's will, but this makes it no less likely that it will fall to the ground. We might be worth more than many sparrows, but if two sparrows can be bought for a farthing, as Jesus says they can, many sparrows might not be worth very much at all.

I don't understand that last sentence. A farthing, according the the KJV of The Bible, is worth 1/16th of a days pay. Many farthings would be worth a full day's pay or more. That seems like it'd be worth quite a bit to me.

I asked Kim about the verse and she said she thought Pastor Don brought it up recently and she believed it was another way to say He loved us very much. I'll go with both the first and last interpretations. He loved us very much, but we shouldn't let it go to our heads. We will never be deserving of what Jesus did for us, but we need to do what we can to put God first in our lives.

I enjoyed my day today. After getting out of work early, I came home and mowed the lawn. I set up the slip 'n' slide for the kids again and then I quit mowing for a bit to play with Noah and then put him down for his much needed nap. Once I was done, Gabrielle and I hit some balls into the net, and then I practiced by myself. I had noticed exactly one plant in our garden had survived, so I took a couple pictures:








Gabrielle guessed it was a watermelon, Matt (pictured) guessed it was a pumpkin and Tim guessed a potato.

After Kim left, one of Gabrielle's friends came over and we took a walk to The Chocolate Milk Store. When Kim came home, I asked her if she got me anything to drink while at the store. She said no, felt a little bad and took the girls to The Store again. She came back with a Mountain Dew, a Monster and a water. Pretty sweet, huh? Yeah, I thought so too.

Nancy--Day 34

It's early Thursday morning, and I'm still thinking of that show, 30 days, that I watched last night concerning the Christian living with and learning about Muslims. Another scene that helped me see the likeness in the two religions was near the end when the Christian man was thanking one of his teachers for opening his eyes towards their religion. The Muslim man said that that was "from God." That is so right. He didn't say it was from his God, he said it was from God. He believed that if the man was a good Christian, he would help more people understand about the Islamic faith when they attempt to slander it. I pray he is able to do so.

Since these thoughts were still fresh in my mind, I asked Nancy if she believed in God this morning when she came in the lab to get a gage fixed. As I have with many others, I was expecting to get her opinions on certain subjects including other faiths. She said there was too much evil and suffering, especially children suffering, in the world, so no, she did not. She watched the suffering of a 14 year old neighbor boy over a long period of time in which he went from being a normal kid to "a vegetable" over a years' time. She spoke of all the people in the shop that talk bad about others on a regular basis. She brought up 9/11. She brought up her own child that had gotten sick. I can understand how all of these situations brought together can really test one's faith. We were able to agree that not only was she a good person, but so were most of the people we work with.

As I've said before here on this page, something tragic happening to my family or someone close to me would test my faith as hers has been tested. She and others that work here show that losing a belief in God does not make one a bad person. She very much wants to believe and I believe God will work with her to help her understand things neither of us like to see happening. I am humbled by the fact that God is allowing me to talk with her about Him, and how very good He is. With all the evil in the world that the 11:00 news likes to make their top story, it is easy to forget, or have a harder time seeing, the good that people are doing in this world.

After truly accepting Jesus into my heart just a couple months ago, Nancy is the first person I have had a lengthy religious discussion with that was not a firm believer in God. She said she felt better after talking with me before she left the lab. So did I. I'm happy He could help.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thinking good thoughts...--Day 33

A couple of days ago I read a story primarily about a teacher in a philosophy class trying to prove there is no God. He did well with one student that couldn't stand the barrage of questions, but another was able to defend his faith and God enough to render the teacher speechless. The most interesting thing was that they were Muslims and using Allah instead of God. Almost everything else he said to prove his point could be said of what I thought of as my God.

Now, after watching an episode of 30 days , I have a different view of Muslims and the Islamic faith. I don't think I vilified them as it looks like many Americans on the show did, and I really had no idea what the culture was like. On the show, a Christian man lives with a Muslim family for 30 days and must practice everything about their faith. The women wore the scarves we see many of them wear, but they are simply following a tradition done by many women including Mary, Jesus's mother. Didn't know that. They pray 5 times a day. I didn't know that either. Judaism, Islam, and Christianity are actually very similar faiths. There are still obvious differences, including what each believes about Abraham, Jesus and Muhammad, but the love of God is preached by all.

"God cannot die" was one of the only disagreements I heard about Christianity. One of his teachers argue that if God controls everything, but he dies and does not come back for 3 days, then who is controlling everything? That's a very good question for one that does not believe in the Holy Trinity.

...
...
Thoughts that lead to other thoughts...
...

I'm going to pray and sleep on this a bit.

...

Good morning.

I think the liberal in me wants to say it's ok for them to pray to Allah because they do seem so strong in their faith. I could be naive too, and although I know they can edit the show to create whatever message they want, I think even less affluent people are much like us Christians. They believe we're all imperfect and will meet God imperfect. I also believe they shouldn't be taking any heat because of their common religion of the 9/11 terrorists and others. They don't believe they shouldn't have to apologize for a sect of their religion unlike what they are taught. I don't believe they should either. That would like all Christians having to apologize for Timothy McVay blowing up the building in Oklahoma.

Unfortunately, I think because they do not believe Jesus died for us all, they are mistaken in their faith, just as they believe we are. I am not here to condemn them, though. I will pray for them.

Now on to other things...

For an impatient person like myself, hitting all the green lights on the way home makes me a happy camper. There are two lights on the way home that are almost always red when I come up to them, but on this day, they were both green. :)

Colton did as well as can be expected in his baseball game again last night. He tagged a kid out at third and a couple of nice hits. One of them though, could not be called a hit since it was caught by one of the two outfielders. I don't think he had hit two balls like that in one game though. We've been working more on his hitting lately, as has his coaches, and it seems to be working.

Gabrielle is leaving the possibility of playing softball open, too. She says she wants to do that or golfing or dance or gymnastics. Hopefully she'll get a chance to try a couple of them soon.

Camping pics.

I finally got the camera working, so here are some pics of the people that make me happy.


Noah and his first ice cream on a cone






Gabrielle at the park



Yogi and the kids






More pics...

Comments on Comments, Inspiration and More...Day 32

I love how Noah acts "shy". He'll warm up to you quickly if you play with him a bit, and will quite possibly give you a kiss as he leaves you if you ask for one. When he first sees you though, he's wary. If I'm holding him, he doesn't turn away from the person, but rather tucks his little head under my chin and lays it against my chest.

Responding to Jen's comment, this is how I can best explain why I ever felt irrational emotions while around her. There was never any reason why that impression was made on me, just as there is really no reason for Noah to shy away from someone. It is merely a protective instinct. This is one of many negative emotions I am trying to get away from.

God is allowing me to change.

While the emotion and amazement of my experience during my prayer vigil was like a exponentially beautiful and enormously wonderful, soul touching ray of light, each of these negative layers getting peeled away are like tiny beads of sunshine God is allowing to peak through the clouds. I took notes for the first time at church this week and this last sentence reminds me of one of those notes. Galatians 5:25 says "Since we live by the spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit." Pastor Don said these are baby steps and it is normal to stumble in our spiritual journey. Bit by bit and step by step, I am finding ways to stumble my way through my spiritual journey and have been fortunate enough for Dennis and Jennifer to be in my path.

I thank you, Jennifer, for your kind words. Knowing someone could be possibly reading this blog makes me slightly uncomfortable and hesitant to be "open and honest" about my feelings, but I push through it anyway because I am inspired to do so.

As for the possibility of creating a similar blog and my point possibly being that one has to make time and stop making excuses, that thought had actually not crossed my mind. There are things that I need to make time for--Kim, Colton, Gabrielle, Noah, speaking about God with others, being a kinder and more positive person--but this blog is not one of them. I need to work on the above more than I need to make sure I make time for this blog. However you feel God is moving you in your life is what you should be doing. I have simply always just enjoyed writing, so this feels natural to me. It also allows me to think more about what is the best way to convey my thoughts. That makes it all the more therapeutic.

I'm glad I've had a positive effect on my brother Dennis, as well. It is important to tell those close to you how much to love them and need them in your life, and from someone looking from the outside in, it is obvious your family knows you love them very much, which is why I said what I did in my last post. If you feel it is imperative you tell each of them more, Jennifer especially, then I pray you continue to do so.

I paused when I read the words "Watching you seek God's face with all your heart ..." because I still feel like I'm holding back a little. I asked Adam, my boss and pastor of his church, what was the toughest thing he went through in his spiritual journey and he immediately said "Letting go." He found it difficult to put his problems in the Lord's hands and let them stay there. I still find it difficult to do the same. There are probably many Christians that feel the same way, but I am at a very early point in my Christian walk and have so much "letting go" to do.

I do not remember that first conversation with you, but I'm sure it was the same. That is the same conversation I have with everyone I know when I learn they have a firm belief in God. It is a worry I've long had for myself and a worry for those that have it much more difficult than I ever did. You answered it very well and God had opened my eyes and ears this time to allow me to hear exactly what you were saying.

Some of my motivation comes from you as well, Dennis. I knew you before you had such a close relationship to God. Seeing how your life has been changed for the better is an inspiration. Watching you pour your heart and soul into your sermon a few months ago brought tears to my eyes, and I am still surprised I that I did not immediately turn my life over to God after that. It took some time, but that was a huge step in seeing how alike we are and what I could learn from you and others like you.

Again, thank you both. We'll talk soon.

Gabrielle, Colton, Noah, and Kim--Day 32

I was hoping to get Gabrielle outside to practice her golf swing some more when I got home from work, but she already had a friend over. Soon after I got home though, she was asking me where her clubs were and we were out hitting balls into the netting my mom and dad gave me. She listen very well, never seemed to get frustrated and seems to be enjoying herself. If she keeps at it and gets some help from my family and Kim's family, she's going to be one heck of a golfer.

Colton's game was close today. It ended with a force out when the bases were loaded. That kept the final score at 6-5. Colton was one of those runs. After walking, the next batter hit a ball to the outfield that got by the fielder. Colton came all the way around to score. There was a very close play at the plate, but he was called safe. I went to the dugout, and he was pretty winded, but smiling. "I came all the way around from first!", he says.

My memory has never been that good, but I don't remember Colton or Gabrielle grabbing at our clothes and pulling or pushing us like Noah does. I don't distictly remember them grabbing my hand to put it where they wanted it either. I had him near the slip 'n' slide again, and he would grab my hand and put it near his new toy. It was his way of asking me to do whatever I did to make the streams of water go higher. I'd push on the side, the water would go higher, he'd run through and giggle. When he wants something, and can't yet put it into words, he makes it very evident what his needs are.

I see the splendor of God through my kids and his unending love through my wife. She works so hard to be the best mom and wife she can be. I don't tell her that enough and I will make a concerted effort to do so. I love you all.

God is good.

Amen.

Shout to the Lord-Day 31

It's been about a months worth of posts, so I'll name this one the same as I named the first one. The song affected my day in a very odd way so it's a fitting title for the day.

Today, as I'm brushing my teeth, I think "They're going to play "Shout to the Lord" today." I'm not sure why it popped in my mind, but it did. It wasn't a big deal, until it turned out it was played instrumentally during the presentation of Pastor Don's pictures, and then played and sung by us all as the last song. Was it just a random thought earlier in the day? (I'm leaning this way.) Was it put there for a reason? I want to lean this way, but I don't know the reason. When I finally told Kim this on the way home, she didn't know what to say. I suppose I wouldn't either. As I told her this, Redeemer came on the radio. That's a beautiful song.

I commented on a fellow Michigander's blog a while back, and I checked on it and commented again a few days ago. She is a Christian as well, has children that have moved out and is living a happy life with her husband. She has had problems with shaking on her right side and had surgery to fix it. It took a while to recover, but the shaking had ceased for a year. It is back, but now her it's left side and she is facing brain surgery at the end of year. I need all of my loyal readers (Jen:)) to add Tammie to your prayers.

I saw Kung Fu Panda today with Colton, Gabrielle, Allison, Emily and Brian. They really enjoyed it as did I.

As I said, it's been a little over a month since I started this blog/experiment and it's working. My attitude has changed. I'm able to not be as cynical and sarcastic as often. Sarcasm can many times be harmless, but in some ways it is not kind. I'm able to keep some thoughts in my head and not out of my mouth as often.

I'd wanted to get with Dennis and Jennifer and have a talk with them, but Colton will be on his tournaments during the weekends now. I felt I needed to wait for the right time, and maybe it's still coming. I'd thought about some of the things I wanted to say, but wasn't sure where I go from there. I wanted to mention how I feel closer to Dennis than probably any other man alive, although I know the feeling is not mutual. Not close as in what it sounds like, but I feel we are both emotional men, both spiritual men, both intellectual men, and both very loving men. I can say the same about my brother except for the spiritual part. There is no one else I am close with. I thought he may think that's all well and good, but where do you go from there? I wanted to say I have never felt close with Jennifer, but that's to be expected. I am close with none of my sister-in-laws or brother-in-laws. I never had a friend until Kim, and I am just now learning about what friendship really is.

This all changed on Mother's Day (Day 14). That conversation I had with her that day changed the way I feel about her. I'd never appreciated her kindness until then. Sure, she was kind, but what's her motive? Does she think she's better than me? That's what a negative attitude will do to you. I understood, during those few minutes, that God was first in her life and she was happy I was coming to them for some spiritual guidance. I'm sure Jen thinks that's sweet and all and happy she had a positive affect on my life, but where do you go from there?

I pray for answers, Lord.
I pray for Your guidance.
I pray You let me know what I can do for You.

Thank You, Lord.

Amen.

Another good day-Day 30

It's been a good few days since my last blog. Friday, I got out of work early and spent some time with Noah. It was hot, so I brought out the slip 'n' slide and he loved it. He likes just throwing his hands in it and trying to catch some of the water in his mouth. Colton had a game later and they lost to the Red Team again. He pitched decently and made a nice play at third. Later, I took him over his buddy Noah's house to spend the night. Nate, his dad, showed me his projector setup downstairs. It's well done and looks great. I might do the same next time we look for a t.v.

We ended up talking about our common faith for about an hour. He told me about his back and shoulder being healed by God working through a couple pastors. I told him about my experience with the prayer vigil which, in more ways than one, started this blog. It's great talking to people about God and how he's affected our lives.

Today, Colton had an 11:00 practice and then we went to the Tiger game. They had lost four in a row, but they won today. Almost every game I go to, they win in their last at bat. They did the same today, and although not as dramatic as a nine inning home run in the bottom of the ninth, they came back from behind in the 8th. Edgar Rentaria hit a grand slam to finish of the scoring for the Tigers. That was pretty exciting.

We got home, watched National Treasure 2, and said our prayers. I felt a very positive energy as we did.

Tomorrow is going to be another good day.

Thank you, Jesus.

Maybe it's both.--Day 29

I wonder if I my blogs would be the same if I knew people were reading this. Probably not. It is my goal to be a more positive person, and who can help with that more than God? Maybe I read too much into things, searching for positive meaning or searching for God's hand in it, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Believers and non-believers alike may roll their eyes at some things I write, but I'm cool with that.

On Tuesday, I spent much of my free time at work beginning to memorize someone's 100 best verses to memorize. I particularily like Hebrews 4:12 and Phillipians 4:6-7. They are both very eloquent.

It was interesting being in the state of mind of memorizing verses, reading them over and over, trying to meditate on them and then seeing what I saw when I left work. I walk outside and it is raining. My Iraqi friend, Christo, who is three years from retirement and seemingly always in a good mood, notices the obvious, cooling rain and sees me across the parking lot on my way to my car. He shouts "Halleluiah!" That put a smile on my face. As soon as he finishes saying that, several birds fly up and away from the roof of one of our buildings. That made the smile last even longer.

The birds reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, Forrest Gump. After Forrest says his last goodbyes to Jenny, birds fly up and away from the tree symbolizing her ascent into Heaven. My favorite line is in that favorite scene from one of my favorite movies. As Forrest chokes back tears and is filled with emotion most of us do not like to think about, this man of supposedly little intelligence tries to figure out whether his momma is right in that "You never know what your gonna get." or if Lt. Dan is right in that "Everyone has a destiny". Three words seems to summarize this two hour, award winning movie: "Maybe it's both." He's right. From the feather at the beginning and end of the movie to every life that he touched to my daily life and everyone in it, you never know what's going to happen or where you're going to end up, but there is a plan for each of us. We do have a destiny. I hope my destiny and everyone I know ends with us in heaven. I hope. That is another very small but very powerful sentence that ends another great movie, The Shawshank Redemption, but I'll leave that for another blog.

She drew butterflies... Day 28

I hadn't checked my e-mail in quite sometime and I had plenty. Much of it was newsletters I'm receiving from oneplace.com (Jack Graham, Max Lucado and Charles Stanley) or from Joel Osteen. Up until I had got my mailbox so filled up, I had been reading them and keeping them in my mailbox or deleting them. Since there were so many, I decided to write down what I thought was most important from each of them. Some scripture I wrote down, some I didn't. I might just write a sentence from one and fill up a whole page when reading another.

For the most part, I started with the most recent and went backwards to the oldest.
About 20 notebook pages later and almost done, I had 2 e-mails left from May 8th. What really made me stop and think was when I opened one of those two last e-mails from Dr. Charles Stanley and read this passage:

He has already proven Himself in our lives. This is why every believer should keep a journal, a written record of the Lord's faithfulness. During times of helplessness, we want encouragement not just about how God has worked in history or in the world, but about how He's worked in our own lives.

It may take some time to establish the discipline of journaling, but the rewards are tremendous. You may say, "Well, I don't have time for that." Friend, you need to make the time. When you record blessings, you begin to view God's work from a new perspective. You'll start to see how He's weaving the individual "threads" of your life to create a beautiful tapestry for His glory.

So, if I had read that almost a month ago, would I have started a journal? I suppose I already have this blog, but taking pen to paper is a little different and I enjoy it. I don't know that I would have, though. There are many great people in my life that have led me to Jesus or that God has placed in my path to lead me in the proper direction, but this inspiration to create a journal did not come from a person since I hadn't read that e-mail until almost a month after it was sent to me. I felt the inspiration to begin writing it down came directly from Him. It's great to see the small ways He is working in my life.

Colton had another baseball game yesterday. He walked, got a double and struck out and played his position well. Hopefully my brother can come Friday since he'll be the starting pitcher. Noah slept through most of the game, but once he woke up, he was ready to eat popcorn and let us chase him all over the park. He's such a happy kid.

I asked Gabrielle if she had done any thing fun and exciting at school today. She thought for a moment, and said that her class went outside during art class and the teacher let them use some sidewalk chalk. She drew butterflies. I bet they were beautiful.

Your mom and I love you very much, little ones. God does too. Thank you, Jesus.

Amen.

Day 26 and 27

Colton had tryouts for a 10 and under team Saturday, but he's going to end up playing for a 9 and under team during the summer. He's mostly concerned about being able to play with his friends, but he seems to really be enjoying himself.

Gabrielle had a couple of the Lanza sisters over, Jalina and Jaselle (Nina and Zelly for short). They spent much of their time with construction paper, glue or scissors in their hands. Gabrielle made me some beautiful artwork and she placed it on the wall near her desk. Nina and Zelly left some of their work here, and we put it up as well.

Day 27

I really missed church. I was only gone one week because we went camping, but I definitely miss it when I'm gone.

Interestingly enough, I had been talking to Kim and Adam about God's judgment and the concept of hell this week and Pastor Don talked about Heaven, hell, and God's judgment. I'm not sure I've done enough in this world to receive any rewards in Heaven, but hopefully I have time to try to catch up.

Another interesting thing about today was that Kim had gone on a fast earlier this week and it ended the same way mine did: during Communion at church and then lunch at Chili's. In large part because of the Communion, I did a lot of praying at church today. I don't know if I usually pray during almost the whole ceremony, but I did today, and it was very peaceful, literally. One of the things I prayed for as far as myself was concerned, was inner peace. I feel have so many thoughts going on so much of the time, and so many questions still unanswered, that for one moment at least, I'd like to have some peace.

Unexpectedly, my prayer was answered.

For one moment, I felt a peace that I have not felt in some time. It took another moment to realize what had just happened, and I was thankful and moved on with my prayer.

I had a couple people say Hi as we left church. That's always a positive experience. May God bless these people and everyone else.

Gabrielle, her friend Kalie and I went down to the river to catch frogs as we had with some of Colton's friends a couple days earlier. We had caught one with them, but the boys decided to let it go. Gabrielle wants to find one and keep it, but we had no luck today. We had fun, though. Gabrielle likes to get her feet dirty.

After playing some catch with Colton, he asked if we could go grab some sunglasses so he could wear them during his games. We found some for each of us and we grabbed a big ball for Noah while we were there. Colton found exactly what he was looking for and Noah got some enjoyment out of his ball.

I watched a movie I had borrowed from a friend called "Tears from the Sun" with Bruce Willis. I'd give it 3 and a half stars out of 5.

Thank you Lord...for everything.

Amen