This Is My Desire--Day 158/Day 7/Day 18

I was talking to Kim last night about God working through us and how much joy we are supposed to personally take for that. If we are giving all the glory to God for it, I don't think there is supposed to be any glory left for us. I am thinking now of the Lord working through other people and how beautiful I find that. I am moved to tears sometimes. That's sort of the reason this all started. I felt I was moved to tears too often, and while I felt I could control other parts of my emotional immaturity, that was a tough one. I sought a professional, and after one session, I was asking Adam about giving my heart to the Lord because the professional wasn't the way I was going to get over that hump. Fast forward to the present and that hump is still there. I, with God's help, have moved past so many other things and am working on many others, but I am still moved to tears by many things, but most of the time it is because of beauty: the beauty I see in others including friends from work, friends from church or my wife or children. On day 39 I wrote:

(Edgar Allen) Poe considered sadness to be the highest manifestation of beauty...

"Beauty of whatever kind in its supreme development invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears. Melancholy is thus the most legitimate of all the poetical tones" (Poe, 1850).

That was really something to think about. I find beauty in:


Noah, as he learns new words

Gabrielle, as she sings loudly in the back seat of the car.

Colton, as he shows me another A he is proud of and wants us to be proud of him.

Kim, as she reaches across the car to grab my hand.

Adam, and the immense patience he speaks with when I ask him questions.

Pastor Don, and the wondrous way he preaches his sermons.

Pastor Bob, and his humor.

Dennis, and the passion in which he speaks.

Jeremy Camp

The last one is a new one. I've heard him sing before, but this morning I'm in my office doing some work, and going over the conversation Kim and I had in my head. Over my speakers, a guitar plays slowly and grabs my attention.

"You want to be real.", he sings.

"Well, yes, I do, God", I think.

"You want to be empty inside."

"Yes, I do."

"You want to be someone laying down your pride."

"More than anything."

"You want to be someone someday laying it all down before the King."

"Yes, Lord"

"You want to be whole."

"I hope I can."

"You want to have purpose inside."

"I do feel I have a purpose now."


"This is my desire. This my return.
This is my desire: to be used by you."

Man, that song hit me hard. I still find myself worrying about the particulars, when this is all I want. I want to do His will and be used by Him. I want to be used to help my family and others. There's a lot of great songs out there, but if you're a Christian, this song should really hit home for you.

If you're not a Christian, I hope one day you realize God sent His son to die for you because He loves you so much. The Perfect One who created everything cares for you. That's more than amazing. When you take Him into you're heart, you'll know what I'm talking about.