Kimberly--Day 54

I'm still confounded, yet thankful by many of my thoughts behind this blog. I'm confounded by the thought of all the people that were placed in my path to bring me closer to God, to which I partially ignored. A short list would include a couple pastors when I was younger(one of whom baptized me), Janet (a friend I still have from one of those churches), Dennis and Jennifer, Pastor Bob and Pastor Don, Brendan (a Christian manager of McDonald's several years ago), Jim, Adam and every singer of every Christian song I'd ever heard.

I amazed at the person who ended up being the catalyst of my change of heart. Her name is Diane Ullrich and she is a psychological therapist. I signed up through work to see a therapist they would pay for and I was in close proximity to. I wanted help in changing my negative attitude and overly emotional being. I went to my first appointment, and it did not seem to be helpful whatsoever. As in most first appointments I later found out, the patient does most of the talking. I was hoping to get from something from her, and I got almost nothing. "This isn't going to work", I thought. Maybe that was my bad attitude coming up to the forefront, but only then did I turn to God. I told Adam about the appointment and told him I wanted a closer relationship with God. It's not easy telling your boss you're seeing a therapist, but I later found out he had seen one too. We talked for quite some time, and later, when I got home, I told Kim that I thought that that conversation was a defining moment in my life. Her answer that day was much less than enthusiastic, but once I got her talking about it, she said something that I still think about once in a while today. She said she always thought she was more religious than I am, and thought maybe I didn't even believe because of the questions I occasionally brought up. We went to church that Easter Sunday, the prayer vigil was a few weeks later and the rest is history.

I managed to push my way through a total of five appointments. At the fourth, she said she'd like me to write down a list of positive things I notice every day, no matter how small. She said she be excited to see that list. When I said "read a bit, wrote a bit" in that first "Shout to the Lord" blog, that was what I was writing. I had gotten behind over a few days, and tried to remember all the positive things over those days. That definitely helped get me in the right frame of mind. A couple of things happened as a result of that. One, after placing my list on the table between us, Diane showed no interest in looking at it at my final appointment. I knew then it would be my last. Two, I decided to keep writing those positive things in blog form. I'm very glad I have.

Although creating a blog was Kim's idea, she has shown no interest in adding to it or reading mine unless I ask her to. I asked her several weeks ago if she wanted to become a member of the church and she was very hesitant. I asked her a few days ago if she wanted to be baptized, and again, she was very hesitant. I guess the best word to describe this hesitancy is practicality. She is so much more practical than I am (she's also more intelligent in many subjects, has more common sense, is more humble, less selfish, and much more attractive, but let's just stick with practical for now). While I want to jump head first in many of the things to do with the church, she wants to take a wait-and-see approach. I love her for that. As a woman that has accepted Jesus as her Savior, God may be asking me to put a little more thought behind my decisions. So far, the quick decisions I've made have bore fruit. I believe it was because I feel that what I was about to do was what God was asking me to do. Fortunately, I am finally listening.