Rambling--Day 196/Day 1

Wow. It's Monday already. Time flies. I've thought about what I want to say this Sunday when I get the opportunity to thank everyone. It will be a heartfelt thankyou, but there are many people who have helped change my life, and I would like to let them all know. I'm looking forward to it. I think my mood has changed slightly since losing my job. I can hardly stand to watch any news because the horrible Michigan economy is all over the place. I am not allowing God to work through me as I should. I could be a better father, husband and disciple in these lean days. So far this week, I feel like I've had one partial meal. Running the video doesn't always allow one to concentrate fully on Pastor Don's message. Since then, I've only sparingly opened my bible or had good discussions with God. I had an interesting conversation Saturday night. I was watching a Catholic priest speak on EWTN tv and was enjoying his talk. Eventually, it was getting very late, so I turned it off. I went to bed and prayed on my knees. For the first time though, I felt the urge to pray flat on the ground. I remember seeing a man do that during the prayer vigil. He was up near the podium while I waited my my time to start praying. He layed flat on his face and was praying loudly. This prayer felt like a prayer where I was praying to be given the strength to turn my life over to him fully. It was a very good prayer. The next morning...I was the same ol' me. Not much in the way of Christ-likeness. I've changed, but not nearly enough. I keep asking questions of everyone instead of searching for the answers myself. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm asking so I know how I "should" feel. I want to make sure I'm going in the right direction and not somehow straying. God is all around us, but I can imagine him being a million miles away buy very easy to see. I could start walking towards him, but if I'm off by one degree, by the time I've walked a million miles, I've walked well away from him and am on my way to oblivion. The Bible should be a life blood in my life and it is not. It should be the heart of my body pumping spiritual nutrients to my soul and mind. I don't let it. Instead, I continue to look at others lives and try to emulate certain Godly things I see or ask whatever random question is on my mind. I'd like to go to Jim' orientation to his class on the 11th, but I'm not sure I'll be able to attend future classes. It'd be nice to have that fellowship with others. I don't know now if that will happen at classes in our church. I'll pray on it and God will face me in the right direction. The kids were home today on their extended Thanksgiving vacation. They had friends over and we all had fun. I keep on asking them to change certain things about themselves that can be detrimental to themselves and others, but I may need to change first before I expect them to. It's late. And quiet. I feel empty. I need to get a fill-up. I need some time alone with God.