Comments on Comments, Inspiration and More...Day 32

I love how Noah acts "shy". He'll warm up to you quickly if you play with him a bit, and will quite possibly give you a kiss as he leaves you if you ask for one. When he first sees you though, he's wary. If I'm holding him, he doesn't turn away from the person, but rather tucks his little head under my chin and lays it against my chest.

Responding to Jen's comment, this is how I can best explain why I ever felt irrational emotions while around her. There was never any reason why that impression was made on me, just as there is really no reason for Noah to shy away from someone. It is merely a protective instinct. This is one of many negative emotions I am trying to get away from.

God is allowing me to change.

While the emotion and amazement of my experience during my prayer vigil was like a exponentially beautiful and enormously wonderful, soul touching ray of light, each of these negative layers getting peeled away are like tiny beads of sunshine God is allowing to peak through the clouds. I took notes for the first time at church this week and this last sentence reminds me of one of those notes. Galatians 5:25 says "Since we live by the spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit." Pastor Don said these are baby steps and it is normal to stumble in our spiritual journey. Bit by bit and step by step, I am finding ways to stumble my way through my spiritual journey and have been fortunate enough for Dennis and Jennifer to be in my path.

I thank you, Jennifer, for your kind words. Knowing someone could be possibly reading this blog makes me slightly uncomfortable and hesitant to be "open and honest" about my feelings, but I push through it anyway because I am inspired to do so.

As for the possibility of creating a similar blog and my point possibly being that one has to make time and stop making excuses, that thought had actually not crossed my mind. There are things that I need to make time for--Kim, Colton, Gabrielle, Noah, speaking about God with others, being a kinder and more positive person--but this blog is not one of them. I need to work on the above more than I need to make sure I make time for this blog. However you feel God is moving you in your life is what you should be doing. I have simply always just enjoyed writing, so this feels natural to me. It also allows me to think more about what is the best way to convey my thoughts. That makes it all the more therapeutic.

I'm glad I've had a positive effect on my brother Dennis, as well. It is important to tell those close to you how much to love them and need them in your life, and from someone looking from the outside in, it is obvious your family knows you love them very much, which is why I said what I did in my last post. If you feel it is imperative you tell each of them more, Jennifer especially, then I pray you continue to do so.

I paused when I read the words "Watching you seek God's face with all your heart ..." because I still feel like I'm holding back a little. I asked Adam, my boss and pastor of his church, what was the toughest thing he went through in his spiritual journey and he immediately said "Letting go." He found it difficult to put his problems in the Lord's hands and let them stay there. I still find it difficult to do the same. There are probably many Christians that feel the same way, but I am at a very early point in my Christian walk and have so much "letting go" to do.

I do not remember that first conversation with you, but I'm sure it was the same. That is the same conversation I have with everyone I know when I learn they have a firm belief in God. It is a worry I've long had for myself and a worry for those that have it much more difficult than I ever did. You answered it very well and God had opened my eyes and ears this time to allow me to hear exactly what you were saying.

Some of my motivation comes from you as well, Dennis. I knew you before you had such a close relationship to God. Seeing how your life has been changed for the better is an inspiration. Watching you pour your heart and soul into your sermon a few months ago brought tears to my eyes, and I am still surprised I that I did not immediately turn my life over to God after that. It took some time, but that was a huge step in seeing how alike we are and what I could learn from you and others like you.

Again, thank you both. We'll talk soon.

Gabrielle, Colton, Noah, and Kim--Day 32

I was hoping to get Gabrielle outside to practice her golf swing some more when I got home from work, but she already had a friend over. Soon after I got home though, she was asking me where her clubs were and we were out hitting balls into the netting my mom and dad gave me. She listen very well, never seemed to get frustrated and seems to be enjoying herself. If she keeps at it and gets some help from my family and Kim's family, she's going to be one heck of a golfer.

Colton's game was close today. It ended with a force out when the bases were loaded. That kept the final score at 6-5. Colton was one of those runs. After walking, the next batter hit a ball to the outfield that got by the fielder. Colton came all the way around to score. There was a very close play at the plate, but he was called safe. I went to the dugout, and he was pretty winded, but smiling. "I came all the way around from first!", he says.

My memory has never been that good, but I don't remember Colton or Gabrielle grabbing at our clothes and pulling or pushing us like Noah does. I don't distictly remember them grabbing my hand to put it where they wanted it either. I had him near the slip 'n' slide again, and he would grab my hand and put it near his new toy. It was his way of asking me to do whatever I did to make the streams of water go higher. I'd push on the side, the water would go higher, he'd run through and giggle. When he wants something, and can't yet put it into words, he makes it very evident what his needs are.

I see the splendor of God through my kids and his unending love through my wife. She works so hard to be the best mom and wife she can be. I don't tell her that enough and I will make a concerted effort to do so. I love you all.

God is good.

Amen.