Addiction: Day 18

I asked Jennifer the name of the woman she liked to listen to at Awana's last night and she told me Beth Moore. I looked her up on oneplace.com and there were many of her Living Proof ministries on there. She had started a bible study on Romans last year and oneplace had all of them since the beginning of this year. I can see why she would be so well liked and she really made me think. One thing she said was that just because we have an intuition to do something, it doesn't mean it's from God. I cannot explain it as well as she did, but it was a thought-provoking sermon. I should start taking notes because she is a very inspiring woman.

I had to ask Adam a question later on after talking to Jim, a Catholic and our plant superintendent tried to answer a question I had a few days ago. I can't remember the context of the discussion, but I had asked how was Jesus's suffering worse than the others. I understand that now, but he said his reason had more to do with why it was so special other than the obvious reason. His answer of "He had a choice and he could've put a stop to it" seemed to clash with what I thought he was going to say: that it was preordained. If Jesus is God and He preordained it to happen, how can we say he had a choice? If we honestly believe that, then we must believe he could've made it all go away. In that case, the preordination would've been stopped and God would've been wrong and that's impossible. Jim had no good answer to this paradox, but Adam just added three words to make it more profound: But He didn't. He could've stopped it at any time, but He wanted to die for our sins so He didn't. Adam said he was 100% man, so he had freedom of choice, but he was 100% God and wasn't about to give in to the flesh and turn his back on us. Thank you, Lord.

During our conversation, he brought up Romans chapter 7. Coincidentally, that was the exact chapter I was going over with Beth Moore before I stopped by his office. I've printed it out, because Adam and I believe God may be trying to tell me something. I've read it a few times and I think it may have something to do with my walk with God. I've been giving much thought to the fact that although I feel God working in my life and although I believe more than ever than Jesus is my Lord and Savior and has entered my heart and although I have learned so much in such a short amount of time (and still a lifetimes worth to still learn) that I am not living a Godly life. What do I have to do to live a more Godly life? What must I change in my life? Verse 15 really spoke to me:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.

That is probably true in so many ways. If I have more self-control over my life, then I may quit doing things I actually hate to do (getting angry, being envious) and possibly my eyes will be opened even more.

Beth also talked about addiction. It has such a negative connotation attached to it, but she was saying to understand that even though we may blame other people or other things for each of our addictions, it is still us that is sinning. It is not the other person or some inanimate object causing us to sin. It is us. She says we must be addicted to God.

Adam said he had a better word: craving. I liked it better too. We must crave him all the time. I hope it's a craving that will never be satisfied. There is so much to learn and so many ways to get closer to God. Adam also brought up "the sword". Beth had also brought this up, as had one of the last speakers last night. I asked him what this was, and he said it was God's word. He said we must keep his word in our hearts to protect us in difficult situations. I told Kim almost two months ago that my talk with Adam was life-changing, but I don't think I realized on what level and I still don't. I also told Kim that I'd be upset if I quit feeling "inspired" to write any more. Judging by yesterday's post, I was less than inspired and it is upsetting. I should probably start praying first. Reading more of God's word and keeping as much of it in my heart as possible should help too.


I feel inspired to pray now. I'll try typing it and see what comes out...

Dear God,

Thank you for bringing so many beautiful people into my life. Bless these people for I don't think they realize how wonderful they really are and how much they mean to me. Thank you for Kim and the kids. Thank you for my family and Kim's family. Thank you for bringing Adam into my life and giving him the strength and knowledge to answer my questions. Thank you for the tenderness in Jennifer's voice and the conviction in Dennis's. Thank you for opening my eyes and allowing me to see Your light.

Please help me overcome my addictions and allow me to crave You every second of every minute of every day.

There are many people in this world that need your love and your strength and your mercy and I pray that you touch their hearts as only you can do.

Continue to show me what I must do to walk in the path that you have planned for me. I thank you for the scripture to read and the inspiration to pray and all the love in my life.

In Jesus's name I pray,

Amen.